According to The New York Daily News, Brady's long hair is a preemptive strike against male pattern baldness. The tabloid quotes a National Enquirer story which says Brady's wife, Gisele Bundchen, has ordered the quarterback to visit a hair restoration specialist in an attempt to curb the baldness gene that runs in the family. In that process, hair from the back and sides would be transplanted to the bald spot and the new growth would be seamless.
If true (and that's a mighty big "if"), this misdirection by Brady would be like the hairstyle equivalent of the Statue of Liberty play. Draw all our attention to the flowing mane down the shoulders, ignore the enveloping bald patch on the top of the head. Brilliant. Bill Belichick himself couldn't have drawn up a better defensive scheme.
I can't say whether this is true or not, but I can say that the timing of this story is excellent. The Jets and Patriots play in six days for the AFC East lead and the more story lines the better. Yeah, comments about Brady's hair aren't exactly the stuff of which John Facenda-voiceovers are made, but I'd say there's a 50 percent chance Jon Gruden shows up to "Monday Night Football" in a Brady wig and that would make it all worth it.
The Daily News isn't alone in bashing Brady's hair. Jets offensive lineman Damien Woody(notes) took a shot at it on Monday night in a video recorded by TMZ. I think this is how the Andre Johnson(notes)-Cortland Finnegan beef started.
Tom, don't listen to them. Going bald with grace would be a better look than your current style, which screams "American Idol" reject. But, you know what? Who cares. You're Tom Brady. You can do whatever you want. You have a $100 million contract, are married to a supermodel, own three Super Bowl rings and are currently quarterbacking the best team in the NFL. Whether you wear your hair like Rapunzel or Telly Savalas, that's your decision.
Just don't go to Belichick's barber. That's a good look for no one.
- Gisele Bundchen
- hair restoration
- Tom Brady