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This week's guy who should wash Gilbert Browns's jock strap

MJD
Shutdown Corner

Every Friday on Shutdown Corner, I'll be selecting one individual who, over the past seven days, I feel has earned the distinctly unappealing task of hand-scrubbing Gilbert Brown's jock strap. This week's nominees are:

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Sam Rayburn(notes). The former back-up Eagles defensive tackle is alleged to have forged prescriptions in an effort to get his hands on some Percocet and Lortab. To tell you the truth, Rayburn only makes the list because it was a slow week for NFL mischief. If the guy's in pain, someone ought to help him out with it, and if he's addicted to pills, he should get some help with that, too.

Anthony Mix(notes). Wide receiver Anthony Mix was released by the Buccaneers after being indicted on charges of having sex with a 15-year-old girl. Actually, the specific accusation is that the consensual sex took place on the day before the girl's 16th birthday, with 16 being the age of consent in Alabama. You couldn't wait a few hours, Anthony Mix? You can't just watch TV or something until midnight? If you're looking for the thrill of doing something illegal, try, I don't know, jaywalking or something. He turned himself in Wednesday.

Biren Ealy(notes) and Kolomona Kapanui(notes). These two former Saints were urinating in a parking lot when a couple of women asked them to stop (which, to be fair, isn't a fair thing to ask of someone). Anyway, not only did they continue, but Ealy is alleged to have turned around and exposed the captain, and Kapanui is alleged to have turned around and fondled himself. That's not gentlemanly behavior.

Me. I really do feel bad about this Brett Favre business. I've gotta stop believing everything I read. Like everyone else, I heard the reports that Favre wanted to come out of retirement again, and I said some not-so-nice things about Brett Favre(notes), and I shouldn't have. Now, please note that this is not the same thing as me saying that I've been wrong about Brett Favre all along, and that he's a wonderful guy, and that he's not an attention-craving prima donna. I just jumped the gun in repeating all the things I said last year when he pulled the original routine.

And the winner is ...

Ealy and Kapanui. I really thought about giving it to myself, but in the end, I'm sure that Brett Favre is way less traumatized by my hurtful words than those two New Orleans women were by having Saint flesh allegedly shoved in their general direction.

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