KISS has long been a band known for its calm, staid manner and professional, by-the-books appearance, so it stands to reason that the football team named in its honor would wear equally conventional unis, yes?
Behold, if your mere mortal eyes can stand the sight, the new uniforms of the Los Angeles KISS, the Arena League Football team set to rock your face off kick off in just a few days.
Flames. Flames atop flames, with interwoven flames topped by still more flames. SO MANY FLAMES. There are flames on the freaking visor, which is going to make the LA KISS running backs feel like they're storming through burning buildings.
KISS warriors Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley own the team; here's the Starchild himself modeling the helmet:
Now, with uniforms that look like a South Beach tattoo parlor and an Ed Hardy T-shirt had a baby and then set that baby on fire, you might assume that there's a bit of overcompensation going on here. We'll let you decide for yourself by checking out the list of Arena League team names:
Talons - Predators - Thunder - Gladiators - Barnstormers - Sabercats - Shock - Power - Rattlers - Sharks ... KISS.
Yeah, one of these things is not like the others, indeed. Anyway, the LA KISS begin play this weekend. Keep your eyes open and your fire extinguishers ready.