The Super Bowl Sunday Blogger Smorgasbord

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• You know what I didn't expect to see during today's broadcast? Men pretending to be Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin. We're going to read the entire Declaration of Independence before the game? Really? Have I accidentally stumbled on to a special closed circuit Super Bowl broadcast that's intended only for junior high school history teachers?

• Man, the Declaration of Independence is long.

• I can't wait until next year when they have Joe Buck stand at midfield and read the Magna Charta before the opening coin toss.

• They had Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning read the part about all men being created equal. In HD, you could tell that Dungy had his fingers crossed and was thinking "except the gays" as he said it.

• Speaking of HD, there's a "Winter Weather Warning" scrolling across the bottom of the screen, and whenever it kicks in, we lose HD. In Phoenix, I think a "Winter Weather Warning" means "we're going to have some winds over 10 mph and someone you know that lives somewhere else might call you to bitch about snow. Please be advised."

• By the way, I'm joined by Will Leitch of Deadspin, Matt Ufford of With Leather, and Chris Mottram of The Sporting News for today's festivities. We're calling it the "Super Blogger Bowl," but acceptable alternative names include "Dork Fest," "Blogger Sausage Mania" and "Girl Repellent."

• FOX shows some military personnel while Jordin Sparks is singing the national anthem, and Ufford yells, "How about standing at attention, (expletive)faces?" Chris immediately stands up straight before he realizes that Ufford wasn't talking to him.

• Also, Chris and Ufford have brought beer that requires a bottle opener ... and no bottle opener. They're using the door latch part of the bathroom doorway to open beers and in the process, spraying beer all over the room.

• Meanwhile, the game is underway, and Eli's converted a couple of big third downs. This is a handsome drive.

• A Bud Light commercial features a man and woman on a date, and the man impresses the lady with his ability to breathe fire. I guess that's kind of cool, but I don't know. If the date goes really well, I hope she's got a flame-retardant vajayjay, or someone's going to the hospital.

Brandon Jacobs lowers his shoulder into Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather, and Brandon Meriweather loses that battle decisively. I take particular joy in this, because it reminds me of the time that this happened to Meriweather. So far, his career trademark is "being run over like a parking cone."

• And now it's Ahmad Bradshaw's turn to outmasculine the Patriots defense. He puts 300-plus pound Ty Warren on his back and carries him for a few yards. The Giants have really been paying attention to those "Who Wants It More?" signs.

• And that's a nearly nine-minute drive for the Giants. They only got three out of it, but I think you'd have to call that a victory for them.

• The Patriots waste no time in answering, though, as Antonio Pierce mauls Ben Watson in the endzone for a little bit of a pass interference penalty. Troy Aikman called it "faceguarding." I call it "tackling a guy." First-and-goal at the 1, and we might as well go ahead and put the seven on the board.

• A commercial implores viewers to go to to watch a more explicit version of a Danica Patrick commercial. Despite the fact that this room has three men who are currently using laptops, none of us are going to

• Amani Toomer gets away with a blatant pushoff to a defender's face, and hauls in a deep pass from Eli Manning. Amani lacks Plax's sublime ability to push off subtly, but it's just as illegal, and just as effective.

• Steve Smith drops one in the redzone, pops it up in the air for an easy interception, and that earns him a "GD it" from Tom Coughlin. The language I used was not nearly as nice.

• Joe Buck on Joe Buck and Troy Aikman: "We might not be the best announcers." Come on, Joe! Don't be so negative. Troy Aikman is pretty good.

• I don't remember what the commercial was for, but that spot where the woman's heart jumped out of her chest ... that was weird and uncomfortable. I don't know what effect the company was going for, but I know that every man in America was thinking, "Is her breast okay?" That would've worked better if it was a dude.

• Tom Brady gets sacked on consecutive plays, and that can't be a feeling that Tom Brady's familiar with. It makes me feel all tingly and warm, though.

• On consecutive plays, Eli's fumbled the ball, and thrown it off of Randall Gay's hands. I'm now officially concerned about Eli Manning.

• The Giants are heading into halftime down 7-3, though, which is a perfectly acceptable position to be in. As for Tom Petty's halftime show, I have covered that elsewhere (and am what's wrong with America), but it opens with a large, glowing phallic symbol crashing into and blowing up a heart. Story of my life, man ... story of my life.

• So, let me understand this ... FOX objects to Danica Patrick using the word "beaver," but they're fine with this blatantly racist ad from I mean, there's no question about that, right? That's as racist as racist gets.

• Very astute challenging by Bill Belichick on that 12-men-on-the-field penalty. I don't know if I can think of another coach who would've thrown that challenge flag. I hope that doesn't turn out to be the pivotal moment in the game. I'd hate to wake up tomorrow and see that Chase Blackburn hung himself in the boiler room of the stadium.

• So the drive continues, and Kevin Faulk picks up another unlikely first down for the Patriots. He juked one guy, and carried two others across the yellow line. Kevin Faulk has to be the most demoralizing player in NFL history. You stop Moss, you stop Maroney, you stop Brady and then, when you've forced them into a 3rd-and-long, Kevin Faulk just kills you.

• Faulk suffered a hamstring injury on the play, though, and limps off to the locker room. When he comes back, FOX shows him running in slow motion behind the Patriots cheerleaders, giving us some extended shots of well-sculpted cheerleader booty. Ufford approves.

• I think that was the quickest third quarter in NFL history.

• Hey, Jeremy Shockey did decide to attend. Good for him. He's upstairs in a suite, and appears to be surrounded by alcoholic beverages. I'm sure he's up there to get a better look at the field, so he can relay important information down to his teammates on the sidelines, and not because he wants to get hammered and his teammates don't want to be around him anyway.

• Eli Manning caps a fantastic drive with a bullet over the middle to David Tyree. It's 10-7 Giants, and, my God, they might actually do this. Even though I sort of predicted it, I never really considered the possibility that it might happen.

• I liked the commercial where a Coke brought Bill Frist and James Carville together, but it totally should have ended with the two of them with their tongues down each other's throats. Wait, check that ... FOX isn't cool with anything that might be vaguely sexual. Okay, it should've ended with Frist and Carville coming together to commit a series of hate crimes against an Asian man.

• And then David Tyree makes the special teams tackle. I bet that's a first in Super Bowl history. A guy catches a TD pass, and then makes the tackle on the ensuing kickoff.

• Oh, dear ... Tom Brady is turning this into the Wes Welker show, and it appears to be unstoppable. I hate it when the Patriots do this.

• In the red zone, the Patriots go double play-action, and Brady has Randy Moss wide open in he endzone ... and he just flat-out misses him. Badly. It has a lot to do with the vicious pass rush, but Tom Brady's missed a lot of throws tonight.

• On the next play, though, a defender falls down, and Brady doesn't miss this one. Patriots lead, 14-10. Says Ufford, "There's too much time left for Eli!" And Will screams, "YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE."

• I just got "Shhh'd" by Matt Ufford. There was a Victoria's Secret commercial on. Sorry, man.

• HOLY MOTHERFLIPPING MOSES. That's maybe the most incredible play I've ever seen ... Eli escapes a certain sack and unloads a ball to David Tyree, who somehow makes the catch with his head, like you could do in a 1988 video game. We're all out of our seats, and Chris is standing on the couch.

• We'll give this some more attention somewhere else, but that's gotta be up there with the Immaculate Reception as one of the most amazing plays in NFL postseason history.

• Plaxico Burress just abuses the corner, and creates about five yards of separation for himself in the endzone ... TOUCHDOWN GIANTS, and sweet sassy molassey, this might actually happen. I really did not think this could happen.

• To celebrate, Will and I exchange a high-five with all the smoothness and accuracy of a Tiger Woods high-five with his caddie.

• By the way, Joe Buck ... nice work on the silence after that touchdown. Twas much appreciated.

• There are still 10 seconds to play in the game, and FOX is going with the tribute video to the undefeated '72 Dolphins. Come on, that couldn't have waited? Let's properly crown the Giants before we start stroking the Dolphins, please. Hell, let's at least wait for the game to end.

Bill Belichick is leaving the game early, and this is bush. Roger Goodell should go down to the field himself and personally restrain Belichick and make him sit there and wait through that final second. What a pansy ... sit there and take your loss like a man.

• And there we go ... it's official. Plaxico Burress is crying in his postgame interview with Pam Oliver, and Ufford is calling him various names that make me think that Ufford doesn't appreciate a man's ability to show a sensitive side.

• Man, that game was entirely satisfying. Given the history that was on the line, the amazing David Tyree play, the maturation of Eli Manning, and the thrilling last-second nature of the game, I can't remember another Super Bowl in my lifetime that was as memorable.

• Patriot fans excluded, of course, but we all owe the Giants. Without them, we're all spending our Monday sitting through endless babble about Spygate, the Patriots dynasty, and asterisks ... now, all we have to contemplate is one of the more memorable Super Bowls in history. Granted, we have to come to terms with Eli Manning as a conquering hero, and that causes a little bit of consternation, but I say it's a small price to pay.

• And there's an upside for Pats fans, too. You might not have 19-0, but I think people would be perfectly willing to let you have 18-1 without an asterisk. Congratulations to you, too!

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