Phoenix Randomness

Things I've noticed this week that didn't get a post of their own ...

• Mike Ditka smells like a french whore on Bastille Day. I was hanging out at the media center early on Thursday, and he walked by twice, and both times, it was like someone blasted a firehose of Drakkar directly up my nose. Every time I see him on ESPN now, my nose hairs begin to smoke.

• That's a giant sculpture/mirror in the convention center in downtown Phoenix. It's 90 feet tall, and is by famous sculptor (sculptress?) Louise Bourgeois. I thought it was interesting.

• If there's one thing the people of Phoenix were going to make clear this week, it's that if you drive drunk, you will be treated with all the respect given to Jeffrey Lebowski by the chief of police of Malibu. Signs are everywhere: "Drive Drunk, and Expect the Max." In this case, "the max" means pink underwear, a military tent, and working on a chain gang. In a related story, I've had a lot of club soda this week. I wouldn't drink an O'Douls while playing Gran Turismo in he jurisdiction of a sheriff that insane.

• Speaking of driving, this would be a much more effective tidbit if I had a picture, but I've instituted a strict "no taking pictures while driving" policy this week. But on the way into Phoenix, there's a giant billboard that says "SUPER BOWEL WINNER," and underneath that, "PoopDoc.com." I was hoping it would be the website for some zany local proctologist, but it's for some damn pill that's supposed to make your colon happy. This week isn't a giant celebration of football so much as it's a giant beacon of advertising opportunities.

• The area is so thoroughly saturated with the NFL that Lance Briggs and Adrian Peterson have both done appearances at local Wal-Marts. I think they should both have some questions to ask of their agents.

• I followed Adam Sandler around Radio Row for a while, listening to him do interviews with various people. He had the largest group of handlers/entourage of anyone I saw all week. And with the exceptions of Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me, he's playing himself in every movie he's ever done.

• Matt Leinart is not just the quarterback of the Arizona Cardinals, Matt Leinart is the Emperor of Arizona. He's listed on the program of nearly every single event in town this weekend, was at the media center all week long, and was always, always, meeting or about to meet someone. The people here are so emotionally invested in Matt Leinart ... if he doesn't go on to become a great quarterback, I'm not sure anyone here would even notice.