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Fake Jon Gruden previews the Jets-Patriots Monday night game

Shutdown Corner

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Hoo boy, we've got a special one for ya tonight from New England. The New York Jets. The New England Patriots. It's the National Football League at its finest.

Mark Sanchez(notes): You talk about gutty quarterbacks named Mark Sanchez and the first thing that comes to mind is this gutty young quarterback for the New York Jets. I mean, they call this guy The Sanchize! I love this kid. What a competitor. Whenever there's crunch time, The Sanchize takes a big bite out of it.

Tom Brady(notes): This guy's a star with a capital "S." Super Bowls, MVPs, high-profile marriages, out-of-wedlock children -- Tom Brady has done it all. Yet, you know what, Jaws? He keeps fightin'! He's always hungry! That's why I love this guy! He may get some heat from that mop of his, but I bet all of us would trade our hair for his. Am I right, Mike? (The camera zooms out to reveal Gruden has put on a Tom Brady wig.)

Danny Woodhead(notes): What can I say about this little guy. (Gruden begins to hyperventilate.) He's got Secretariat's heart in an Oompa Loompa body. The fire! The moxie! Boy, Bill Belichick can sure pick 'em, can't he, Jaws? I mean, this guy went to Chadron State! I can't even spell that! But, oh, when he gets goin', it's like bringin' down a Mack truck. BOOM!

Rex Ryan: I'll tell ya, this guy is a 100 percent character. When we met with him on Friday, Rex Ryan comes in laughin' and jokin' like he's preparin' for a scrimmage against Chadron State! Nothin' bothers this guy. He has his defense playin' at a high level too, lemme tell ya. The brand of defense this team plays is what I call putting speed on power.

Darrelle Revis(notes): I don't think a lot of people know this, but Darrelle Revis may be the best player in the National Football League. The term Shutdown Corner may have been invented because of this guy. They don't throw to him! Hoo boy, that New York Jets sideline won't be cold tonight, because Revis will be bringing the heat.

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