There's little doubt that the NFL is better than it's ever been in so many ways . Players are better, faster, and stronger than ever (through what means, we daren't speculate). Schemes are more complex on offense and defense. HD technology has given us the ability to analyze the game at a forensic level, and there are more ways to disseminate and share that information than ever. Still, there are things that the modern NFL would do well to replicate. I'm talking, of course, about the uber-cheesy annual team music video. These videos were a staple of the 1980s, and it's pretty clear to me that it's time for a new generation of fans to be thrilled, excited, mortified, and vaguely creeped out by the kinds of things you're about to see.
Still, when it comes to pure stinky cheese, other teams were upping the ante back then. Dig the 1986 Raiders’ “Silver and Black Attack” video:
That was the most intelligible Matt Millen’s ever been. However, for sheer weirdness, two team videos stand apart. First, there’s the L.A. Rams, and their “Ram It!” video. We’ll leave the commentary to you, dear readers.
Now, THAT’s what I call a mustache. You’ll want to catch the “making of” video as well; the best part is when the producer looks up in abject horror when the players start singing.
But for sheer “Um … did you guys really mean to do that?” creepiness, it’s hard to top the 1985 Seahawks “Locker Room Rock”, which reminds us that sometimes, a saxophone is just a saxophone.
And then, there’s the 1988 Eagles with their “Buddy’s Watching You” rap. Cue Jack Black in High Fidelity: “That’s a Cosby sweater … A COSBY SWEATER!!!”
I think that the making of these kinds of videos should be written into the new CBA. The NFL isn’t nearly cheesy enough these days, and while it may be too late to being back mullets, fades, and Village People mustaches, there’s always room in life for the marriage of music, video, and conceptual vision of the highest order.
And if you disagree ... well, all I can say is, "I'm not here to start no trouble. I'm just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle!"