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Dr. Saturday

Want to coach Wisconsin? Send your application to UW’s human resources!

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Dr. Saturday

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When a school has to post a job listing publicly, it's always pretty funny to see a high-profile job listed like any old vacancy at the university.

If you haven't heard, Wisconsin has an opening for head football coach. Wisconsin's human resources department posted the job, right alongside its vacancies for senior lecturer in ethnic studies and a research specialist who "will work as part of the relocation team transferring textiles from archival boxes to the space saver drawers and recording their location" for the Helen Louise Allen Textile Collection.

[Related: Wisconsin refuses candidate for football coach out of loyalty]

You too, can apply to be the next Badgers football coach. Let's take a look if we qualify.

Bachelor's Degree required

Got it. And I'm an alum, so that has to help!

Minimum of 5 years of successful collegiate football coaching experience preferred. Division I head coaching experience is also preferred.

Hmmm. Maybe we can convince Barry Alvarez in the interview that PlayStation 3 experience counts here.

Under the general supervision of the Athletic Director or his designee, manage a Division I football program as Head Coach in accordance with NCAA, Big Ten and University regulations. Areas of responsibility include coaching, organizing and conducting practices, recruiting, conditioning, budget, administration of sport, supervision of assistant coaches and operations, public relations and other duties as assigned by the Athletic Director.

This sounds doable. If Lane Kiffin can do it, it can't be that hard.

[Related: Barry Alvarez returning to lead Wisconsin in Rose Bowl]

Other qualifications include the ability to work cooperatively with diverse groups and administrators, faculty, staff and students. The successful applicant must be able develop and implement innovative approaches and solutions; work well independently and in teams; and be flexible in accepting new responsibilities.

Innovative approaches and solutions? Have you seen Wisconsin's offense? Not sure we need to reinvent the wheel here.

A criminal background check will be conducted prior to hiring.

Uh, oh. Anyone know how far back the Madison Police Department keeps records?

Well, seems like I'm qualified. The salary is listed as "Negotiable," which is good, because I wouldn't want to get less than the $2.6 million Bret Bielema was making.

To apply, "send a letter of application addressing your qualifications and experiences specifically relating to the responsibilities of this position, a comprehensive resume, the current contact information for three professional references," which I'm sure every interested head coach around the country is doing. Bang out that cover letter in between film study for the bowl game. Maybe mark down Nick Saban or Urban Meyer as a reference. Seems to be how every high-profile coaching hire happens.

All you have to do is send the resume and cover letter referring to vacancy listing No. 75429 (because we wouldn't want some aspiring defensive coordinator to get that job sorting textiles) to Holly Weber at Kellner Hall at 1440 Monroe Street. We'd love to see some of the packets that Weber will get at her office.

Don't procrastinate. Applications are due by Dec. 19.

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