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College Football Hunger Games: The final competitors are revealed

Graham Watson
Dr. Saturday

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This is the third post in the College Football Hunger Games series. To read the first click here and to read the second post click here. The third post is here. The last of the series (yes, this does end) will probably go up Monday. This is all in good fun during a slow college football offseason.

The College Football Hunger Games continue.

When we last left our coaches, only seven were definitely alive — Nick Saban, Lane Kiffin, Bo Pelini, Urban Meyer, Dana Holgorsen and Mike Leach. Les Miles and Mark Richt are injured, Chris Petersen is missing and Bill Snyder was in the midst of a fight with Jerry Jones.

The battle is getting more intense and by the end of this night, only a few competitors will remain.

The stadium went dark, leaving our coaches searching for light and warmth while trying to keep guard and stay alive. When the lights go off, Pelini, Meyer and Holgorsen, who are sitting on the concourse, begin rifling through the various packs they secured at the cornucopia on the first day. Holgorsen finds the stadium blanket from Richt's pack and Meyer finds matches in a side pocket. He strikes a match and sees Pelini staring at him. Pelini warns not to use the matches because they'll draw attention and Meyer agrees. Unlike the other members of his party, Pelini sees the darkness as an opportunity and picks up an axe, grabs a couple of the matches and tells the others he's going hunting. As soon as Pelini is out of sight, Holgorsen gathers wrappers and various trash into a pile, remarks how cold it is, lights a match and starts a small fire. After some initial hesitation, Meyer cozies up next to him to stay warm.

Down at midfield, Saban and Kiffin are guarding the cornucopia and the plethora of loot they've secured. Saban has rigged an intricate land mine system to keep the supplies safe from the other coaches. Kiffin sees the smoke from the concourse and nudges Saban. The two decide to leave their mine-riddled camp and go hunting.

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As Saban and Kiffin run off, armed to the teeth, Leach watches from the players tunnel armed with a bow and arrow. He debates a way to destroy Saban and Kiffin's supplies. As he's thinking of his next move, Petersen, who hasn't been seen since the beginning of the games, comes out of nowhere and starts simulating some sort of trick play around the mines and to the stash of supplies. He takes a couple backpacks and a weapon, runs the trick play in reverse and is gone before Leach can pick him off.

High above the stack of goodies is an equipment bag of medical tape dangling by its drawstring. Leach raises his bow, using the hook to pull the string and arrow and his good hand to steady, he sends an arrow at the bag. It hits its mark but nothing happens. He cocks another arrow and lets it fly. He misses again.

Meanwhile, Pelini is walking along the concourse, using his axe to feel out the ground in front of him. All of a sudden he runs into something and he's immediately on guard, after a second, he realizes it's a body and he lights a match to reveal Richt, who had succumbed from the wounds Pelini had inflicted on him earlier.

At the same time, Saban and Kiffin are climbing the stairs toward the concourse in the direction of the fire when they notice a blood pool. Kiffin looks up and sees Snyder's arms limply hanging from the balcony of Jerry Jones' suite. Saban tells Kiffin to keep moving and soon they're staring at the backs of Holgorsen and Meyer. It doesn't take long for Kiffin and Saban to dispose of the two coaches.

About 50 yards away, Pelini is nearing Meyer and Holgorsen, cursing them for starting the fire against his wishes.

Then an explosion shakes the stadium.

Leach's third arrow hit its mark, the tape rolled onto the mines and Kiffin and Saban's possession and blown sky high. They race back across the concourse, narrowly missing an encounter with Pelini, and back down the stairs toward the field. Pelini returns to find Holgorsen and Meyer down and he proceeds after Kiffin and Saban.

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In another corner of the stadium, Miles has broken into a first aid station and has bandaged his wounds. He's near the opposing team's tunnel when he hears a rumbling.

Now, as the Games get a little stagnant (or as the favorites continue to thrive), the Gamesmakers (Rick Neuheisel) get to set their own traps to place the coaches in peril. This is one of those times.

The ground starts to shake and Miles can feel it getting closer. He starts to quicken his pace, heading through the opposing tunnel and toward the field. It's getting closer. Pelini, Kiffin and Saban hear it coming from behind them and Leach gets the same feeling. All of a sudden, an army dressed as the Alabama defense comes roaring out from different parts of the stadium, barreling toward the coaches, who all start running toward midfield.

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Saban and Kiffin reach the cornucopia to find Petersen already there. Pelini is right behind and the group watches Leach emerge from the tunnel, defenders nipping at his heels. On the other side of the stadium, Miles tries to outrun the defenders, but his injuries are too great and the swarm swallows him. Leach gets to the 50-yard line, crosses it to join the others and the defense stops, guarding the 50-yard line so no one can pass. Another group of defenders stands guarding the goal line on the other side.

This is the moment of truth. All of the remaining competitors — Leach, Petersen, Saban, Kiffin and Pelini — are all in one spot and they know only one of them will leave.

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