College Football Hunger Games: Which coach will be the last man standing?

Graham Watson
March 26, 2012

The movie phenomenon the Hunger Games opened this weekend (yeah, I was one of the first in line) and in honor of the premier, we here at the Doc are going to have a little Hunger Games competition of our own — between college football coaches.

If you're not familiar with the premise of the film, it's about a futuristic world that is split up into districts and overseen by a capitol. Every year, the capitol puts on the Hunger Games, which places 24 randomly chosen teens in an arena and the only way to win is to be the last person left alive. Bad things happen and contestants try to gain favor with sponsors, who help them stay alive. Obviously, there's a little more back story to it, but that's the general idea and all you need to know for the purpose of this post.

Which brings us to the College Football Hunger Games. I've selected 24 coaches to fight to the death and claim the Hunger Games national championship (unofficially presented by Kraft). Think of this as a playoff for college coaches.

The Games will take place at Jerry World (Dallas Cowboys Stadium) and Rick Neuheisel will oversee the bracket (because it's not against NCAA rules now).

Below you'll find bios for each coach so you can choose your favorites (most take on the personalities of the teams they coach) and ultimately your victor. Over the next few days, the events of the games will unfold until there is one man left standing.

Who will win? Well, you have the power to decide. Use the comment section to whittle down the bracket until there is one coach remaining. Then keep reading to find out what happens. Hey, it's the offseason and we all need to be entertained.

"May the odds ever be in your favor."

Let's meet the contestants:

Les Miles: A winner who takes risks but struggles a bit with clock management. He does, however, know how to forage.
Weapon of choice: Hat of tricks

Nick Saban: A loner who doesn't play well with others, doesn't really like others and won't be defeated easily.
Weapon of choice: Death stare

Gary Pinkel: One of the first to experiment with the no-huddle spread. He a non-nonsense guy who likes to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible
Weapon of choice: Jumbo-sized wine glass

Chris Petersen: Might coach at a smaller school, but knows how to win and can be very tricky.
Weapon of choice: Blue turf camouflage

Mike Leach: Outspoken and innovative, his pontifications will leave you scratching your head
Weapon of choice: Pirate sword (of course)

Bob Stoops: Big Game Bob hasn't won a big game in awhile, so this is his chance to live up to the nickname again.
Weapon of choice: The Belldozer

Mike Gundy: Lots of offense, little defense, and don't dare write anything negative about him.
Weapon of choice: The spikes of his hair

Charlie Weis: Supposedly an offensive mastermind who has strong recruiting skills though he has yet to live up to the hype.
Weapon of choice: Decided schematic advantage.

Steve Spurrier: Fan of second, third and fourth chances. Not a fan of fat, sloppy smokers.
Weapon of choice: Coors, the "Banquet Beer"

Mack Brown: People flock to him and he usually chooses who he wants rather than waiting for them to choose him.
Weapon of choice: The ability to create violent wind storms with his furious sideline clapping. (thanks @AaronDickens)

Bo Pelini: He has a hot temper and that can sometimes get him into trouble, but his defense is impeccable.
Weapon of choice: A tongue lashing that will shake you to your core

Urban Meyer: Meyer is one of the more skilled contestants in the field but he can be flakey and his health is a constant concern.
Weapon of choice: The power of suggestion

Todd Graham: Graham noted that playing in the College Football Hunger Games was his dream opportunity. We'll see.
Weapon of choice: Ability to escape any situation at any time

Lane Kiffin: The youngest of the group and perhaps the least liked. He's matured, but he still has a tendency to say things he's not supposed to.
Weapon of choice: Deflector shield

Al Golden: He's known for his resurrection skills of bringing programs back from the dead.
Weapon of choice: His tie

Mark Richt: Probably the nicest guy in the field. If he makes a mistake, it's probably inadvertent (closet pocket dialer).
Weapon of choice: Survival skills. You might think he's gone, but he always finds a way to keep kicking.

June Jones: Another coach who is famous for bringing programs back from the abyss (and going through a new quarterback every year).
Weapon of choice: He runs and shoots (hey-o!)

Bill Snyder: Seems like he's been around forever because he has been around forever, which makes him one of the favorites in the Games.
Weapon of choice: What we think might be everlasting life

Chip Kelly: He's been hailed as an offensive mastermind, but it's speed that makes him dangerous.
Weapon of choice: Multiple outfit combinations that keep his opponents marveling at all the pretty colors

Dana Holgorsen: Similar to Kelly, Holgorsen uses speed as an asset on the field, but off the field there's some concern about his Haymitch-like qualities (look that one up).
Weapon of choice: Borrowing other people's powers (like he borrowed that Orange Bowl play from the Colorado School of Mines)

Derek Dooley: Might be in a little over his head in this competition, but his father was a champion long ago and he uses him as a mentor.
Weapon of choice: Blinding orange pants

Paul Johnson: Has tried to be a contender by almost exclusively running, but in this game versatility is what makes a champion.
Weapon of choice: Art of deception

Randy Edsall: Runs a tight ship, has trouble making friends and might have trouble gaining favor with sponsors.
Weapon of choice: Blinding outfit designs that cause disorientation

* Bob Davie was asked to participate, but he was so out of touch he thought the Hunger Games was a story about the Depression Era… Larry Fedora started to participate but was sanctioned and he had to withdraw (Urban Meyer also was sanctioned, but used his charm to talk his way back in)… George O'Leary applied to be in the competition, but the CFBHG council found some discrepancies on his application and couldn't verify all the information.

** No military academy coaches were allowed to participate in the College Football Hunger Games.

Who will be crowned victor? Keep checking back to see.

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H/T to Jay Busbee for the idea.

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