In something that is news to us, apparently God hates the NBA. This seems pretty far-fetched, because in spite of a recent spate of injuries, some sort of Almighty Power has bestowed us with a fantastically entertaining postseason thus far, and a wonderfully sunny spring day for me to sit under while I write about the NBA all day.
According to a press release from the Westboro Baptist Church, though, God does hate the NBA. And this edict is so significant that the church has announced plans to picket at both Wednesday’s Game 5 between the Oklahoma City Thunder and Houston Rockets, and Thursday’s Game 6 between the Chicago Bulls and Brooklyn Nets. Apparently the Big Man Upstairs, according to the Westboro Baptist Church, is really ticked off at Oklahoma City star Kevin Durant for wagging his fist at the sky before telling reporters that if a free agent veteran center was “happy, that’s cool with me.”
The free agent center in question is former Washington Wizards big man Jason Collins, who became the first active member of the four major pro sports leagues to announce that he was gay on Monday. So, by the Westboro Baptist Church’s unquestionable logic, this now means God hates the NBA.
Well, it’s been a good run, NBA.
I’m guessing God was particularly happy with a few highlights over the last 65 years – rumors abound that the Almighty was a keen fan of Dick Motta’s offense, the 2004-05 Phoenix Suns, Wes Unseld’s outlet passes, those old Denver Nugget uniforms and the San Antonio Spurs’ coyote – but this relationship is apparently over, according the minds at the Westboro Baptist Church. I’m mostly fearful that God couldn’t have waited out Derrick Rose’s return, because that doesn’t speak well for this mortal’s potential to stay patient.
And that’s a huge bummer. I’m covering Thursday’s Bulls/Nets game in person, and I’m wondering if it’s still safe to drive to the game. Could the blade of a windmill unhinge, the work of a hateful and vengeful God, as I muse out loud about Chicago’s screen and roll defense on my way past the Fowler Ridge Wind Farm? I’ve read some things, man. God is not the sort of presence that you want to cross.
So why oh why did the Brooklyn Nets have to go and say these terrible things about their former starting center in the wake of his announcement?
Brook Lopez: “It is an honor for me to call Jason Collins a friend. I admire his dignity as well as his courage to come out. I'll always have his back.”
Joe Johnson: “Jason Collins was one of the best teammates I've ever had. I respect his tremendous courage to come out and will always support him.”
Billy King: “Jason Collins was a vital member of the New Jersey Nets for six and a half years, and as an executive with a competing NBA team, I always respected the standard he set for team play and the example he set for the league in playing with integrity and purpose. He exemplifies everything we look for in players, and for those players and associates within our organization, our primary focus is creating the most accepting and respectful environment for everyone to succeed.”
Blasphemy, according to the Westboro Baptist Church.
If anyone from this fringe, completely-unaffiliated-with-99.9 percent-of-all-Christian-sects, fundamentalist “church” is reading, let me know how the league can get back on the Almighty’s good side. Personally, I’d start with asking Him to give Kevin Durant a second look. He created something pretty special with that guy.