Troy Murphy(notes) is the most interesting thing this league has going for it. Sure, two All-Stars moved from the Western Conference to New York's tri-state area last week, and we genuinely have a championship race that could feature seven worthy contenders, but in a league that can't help but watch the shiny keys whenever our master shakes them, Troy Murphy's recent buyout and acquisition by the Boston Celtics is the hottest thing working right now. Pretty good for a guy that's played 288 minutes this season.
As expected, the vultures have come out. They're going through Murphy's mail, checking his school records, wondering if he's ever shot with his right hand, and scouring the YouTubes. Sharebro Ben Rohrbach did his Mike Wallace-part this morning, securing a years-old interview between Murphy and who is genuinely (no jokes in this line) considered to be the best sideline reporter in the business, Stacy Paetz, in which Murphy (back to the jokes) talks about his love for spray tanning.
A love that, even if it doesn't look obvious to the casual observer, manifested itself in Murphy becoming a licensed spray tanning ... artist?
Here's the video:
So many surprises.
Troy Murphy "goes tanning a lot," which doesn't mean he actually gets a tan. I'm not saying this because I've never seen him as anything more than halibut-white, but because he's Irish, and Irish don't tan. They burn, or they repel the Sun's rays for as long enough as it takes to run to the nearest cave to boil that night's dinner.
Also, a six-week course? To hold a tiny hose and spray something out of it? Whenever I rent a high water pressure hose to clean off the sides of my cave, before inviting friends over for stew, I always seem to get the hang of it within minutes. You don't need a six-week course to learn how to make a woman named Tracy or a guy named "Smitty" look like Oompa-loompas.
But that's just me. Proudly unlicensed.
- Troy Murphy