There are real things in this video clip of Kyrylo Fesenko's(notes) season-ending interview with the reporters who cover the Utah Jazz. He says the team's annual aim is to "win the championship -- no more, no less," but that finishing a 54-win campaign by making the second round of the playoffs amid a slew of injuries still constitutes a "really good, successful season." Y'know, standard sports cliché stuff.
But as we've learned since he came to the NBA in 2007, the great thing about Fesenko is that he's hilarious. The fantastic expressions and little-kid smiles on that giant face. The amazing dance battle with Kosta Koufos(notes). And the jokes. My goodness, the jokes.
Asked in the clip if returning to Utah would be his first choice (Fes is a restricted free agent this offseason), the 7-foot-1 Ukrainian replied, "Of course I would rather be here." Then, with a smirk: "Well, I know everything [here]. I know where to eat."
And then, at the 2:15 mark, magic happens ... I think.
I want you to know, guys, that I've watched this video about 40 times Friday, rewinding over and over again in an attempt to hurdle the roadblocks to comprehension — Fes puts his head down as he says it, which makes lip-reading impossible; he kind of speeds through the phrase; and his accent, though softer now than three years ago, is still thick enough to obscure the words — and parse what I've taken to calling "the greatest sentence in sports history." And no matter how many times I listen, I hear the same thing.
Time and again, it's all that remains: That Kyrylo Fesenko would like to return to the Utah Jazz, in part, because he's "trying to get Kyle Korver's sexy movie of the 'Jazz' position." I'd like to say I welcome other possibilities for what he's saying, but frankly, I don't. Keep any more rational explanations to yourself. I want to continue to think he said that forever. I want to believe.
One last thought: This makes it abundantly clear that there should never, ever, ever be any restrictions, self-imposed or otherwise, placed on the amount of jokes that Kyrylo Fesenko is allowed to make each day. We're going to need more of him, all the time, forever.
- Kyrylo Fesenko