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Ball Don't Lie

Texas is using tons of free food to bait Dwight Howard into picking Mavericks or Rockets

Kelly Dwyer
Ball Don't Lie

In March of 2012, Dwight Howard infamously pointed out that the Orlando Magic helped encourage him to waive his chance at free agency by presenting him with some of his “favorite candies” during a meeting with the Magic front office. It should have been an embarrassing anecdote for a man in his mid-20s, and yet that hoped-for realization, plus the candy, didn’t stop Howard from issuing a trade demand just a few months later.

With Dwight now receiving courtships from Los Angeles, Houston and Dallas, some local tastemakers are pulling out all the stops. If Dwight wants chicken fingers, one Dallas restaurant is offering the 27-year old chicken fingers for a lifetime.

If Dwight wants something a little more, um, age appropriate? Houston’s foodie community is stepping up quite nicely. Sean Pendergrast started the campaign with this hilarious rant, in reaction to the chicken finger campaign:

Nobody eats more than Houston. Nobody loves food more than Houston. Nobody knows better how to properly deploy food than Houston.

WE. ARE. FAT.

So I took it upon myself to call upon the food community in Houston to step up and trump Raising Cane's. We conducted a brief Dwight-a-thon on my radio show Tuesday, and the food community came up big.

The unquestioned leader of the charge was the Kolache Factory.

Their retail marketing director Andrew Eller called my radio show and made Dwight an offer that he shouldn't refuse: a lifetime of free kolaches. Take that, chicken fingers! On top of that, Eller gave Houstonians some skin in the game, offering up a free kolache to all Houstonians on July 15 if Dwight signs with the Rockets!

Of course, with all those crumbs lying around, you’re bound to lure some bugs. Which is why other Houston-area business are stepping up to the plate to give this multi-millionaire more free stuff. Sean, via his show on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network, went on:

Along the way, on my show, Dwight was offered everything from free barbecue (Beef & Bun BBQ) to free calzones (Nick's Place) to free burgers (Hubcap Grill) to free pest control (McGrath Pest Control).

Houston can also offer a roster full of young talent, potentially a max contract, and the ability to be free from Kobe Bryant’s withering glare for the next four years.

Los Angeles? It can only offer five years of Kobe’s withering glare, and perhaps the most versatile and dynamic culinary scene in North America. So there’s that.

No word on whether the New York Knicks, with the M&M Store in tow, have made a free agent offer.

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Dwight Howard reacts to the serving tray full of bacon-wrapped scallops (Getty Images)

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