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Dan Devine

Shocking internal monologue: Inside Vince Carter's mind

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

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The Orlando Magic opened the Amway Center, their new home arena, on Oct. 10, 2010, with a rousing 135-81 drubbing of the New Orleans Hornets. While the contest was a preseason affair, Magic coach Stan Van Gundy insisted that his players take the game very seriously:

'I did say in the locker room, very briefly right before we were heading out, that it was a very big night for a lot people in our organization,' Van Gundy said. 'And we need to honor those people by playing very, very hard. That's all we talked about.'

The message got through to star swingman Vince Carter(notes). Although he only scored 10 points in the win and missed all four of his three-point attempts, his intensity was at an all-time high. We know this because we were in his head. Literally.

That's right: By combining Space Age polymers and Dark Age sorcery with Reagan Age junk science we cribbed from "Innerspace," we here at BDL have developed a means of listening to the most private thoughts of NBA players. Care to know what was pounding through Vince's cerebellum while he played the Hornets?

Un-du-lat-ing bass / Un-du-lat-ing bass

Un-du-lat-ing bass / Un-du-lat-ing bass

Un-du-lat-ing bass / Un-du-lat-ing bass

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Your butt is mine

Gonna take you right

Dunk on your face

In Amway tonight

I'm telling you

Just how I feel

It's layup time

Gonna shoot to kill


Sha'mon — n'dahh

Lay it on me

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I'm giving you

To the count of three

On this post-up

'Fore I hit the key


I'm tellin' you

If you play with me

Marcus will eat

Some jumper's knee

Well, they say the sky's the limit

And for me, that's double true

But you Hornets ain't seen nothin'

Just wait 'til I get through

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EDITOR'S NOTE: That was it. Just that. Over and over again, the whole night. We swear.

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