Bango can only throw up his hands in despair. (Mike McGinnis/Getty Images)
Busting your roommate's chops about his favorite team: It's all fun and games until it turns into a urine-fueled topless fight in a Greenfield, Wisc., apartment complex parking lot at 2 a.m. (Just like my father used to say.)
The blank-stare-inducing tale comes to us from David Cotey of Greenfield, Wisc., Patch, who informs us that a 20-year-old woman called Greenfield police last Friday to report that "her 19- and 18-year-old roommates were in a fistfight outside their apartment." What sparked the square-off? Apparently, the Milwaukee Bucks' 113-103 home win over the Los Angeles Lakers (emphasis mine):
When a police officer arrived, he saw two shirtless teenagers facing each other with fists raised and ready to fight. The officer ordered them to cease, but they simultaneously lunged at each other and exchanged blows.
The fight lasted for only a few seconds before the men listened to the officer’s demands to end the fighting.
The woman told police the three of them and a fourth roommate, a 30-year-old man, went to the BMO Harris Bradley Center earlier that evening to watch the Milwaukee Bucks take on the Los Angeles Lakers. The 19-year-old man would not boo the Bucks, leading the 30-year-old and 18-year-old, both Lakers fans, to verbally harass him and call him names, the woman told police.
Once back at the apartment, the 30-year-old urinated in a garbage can in the 19-year-old’s bedroom.
"HEY LOSER! HEY LOSER! BOO YOUR TEAM! BOO YOUR TEAM! THEY SUCK SO MUCH THAT THEY'RE BEATING MY TEAM! WHY WON'T YOU BOO THEM, BRO? C'MON, BOO THEM! IF YOU DON'T, I'LL PEE IN YOUR TRASH CAN, BRO! I DON'T CARE IF THEY WON! LAKERS, BABY! LAKERS!"
The urination, as you might expect, led to an altercation in the apartment. That led to the stepping outside, which (I guess?) led to the shirtlessness, the phone call and the subsequent 5-0 run-through. Police arrested the 18-year-old for disorderly conduct and cited the 19-year-old for the same offense, according to Cotey. No word on any cuffing of the 30-year-old, though.
If I may, a brief suggestion for our 18-, 19- and 20-year-old cohabitants: Maybe get rid of the 30-year-old roommate who pees in non-bathroom places. He sounds like something of a sub-winner. Actually, you should probably just get out of there entirely, 20-year-old lady. I want more for you.
Also — you're not going to believe this — "alcohol was believed to be a contributing factor in the fight," according to police. What a plot twist that no one could have ever seen coming! A real Milwaukee Night Shyamalan movie in the making, over here.
In conclusion, allow me to renew my standing request of sports fans, and all people everywhere: Please stop being drunk jerks to each other. Thanks in advance.
Hat-tip to Dan Sinclair of Brew Hoop.
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