Ball Don't Lie

At long last, LeBron James has defeated Jesus, according to Taiwanese animation studio (VIDEO)

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

Let's be honest: The videos produced by Taiwanese viral vid farm Next Media Animation — the NBA-related ones, at least — have kind of fallen off of late.

To some degree, that was to be expected — they can't all be unquestionable winners like the mind-melting Yao Ming career retrospective or NMA's explanation of how the NBA wound up locking out its players last summer. But more recent efforts like NMA's take on Metta World Peace's suspension for swinging a back-elbow at James Harden and Amar'e Stoudemire's first-round TKO via fire extinguisher have felt kind of matter-of-fact. "Hey, here is a collection of weird images, buckets of cartoon blood and the occasional setting of a man on fire." It's been done, you know? If you're going to hang your hat on your wackiness, you must continue to push the insanity envelope.

While the studio's take on the Miami Heat's five-game NBA Finals victory over the Oklahoma City Thunder likewise fails to really inspire with its zaniness and goofs, it does offer one pretty hilarious image — LeBron James falling short in last year's NBA Finals matchup with the Dallas Mavericks due, at least in part, to the intercession of Jesus Christ.

You can see it right after the start of the video, and again at around the 32-second mark — James jacks a jumper over a Mavs defender (should've attacked the rim, 'Bron-'Bron!), only to see it rejected by the levitating Son of Man, who swoops in from off-screen to swat the shot. Somewhat disappointingly, the Good Shepherd sends the ball careening toward the stands rather than merely directing it toward one of his teammates — while he is not wearing a jersey, we are left to assume he is a linchpin in Dallas' defense (sorry, Tyson Chandler) — to start a fast break.

While we already knew Jesus is an accurate shooter and has "infinity rebounding stats," thanks to an invaluable scouting report from the former Ron Artest, Christ's approach to shot-blocking would probably irk 11-time NBA champion Bill Russell to no end; it appears that Jesus is a real JaVale McGee type.

Immediately following Jesus' epic rejection, James sprints toward the basket and readies to launch for a dunk, only to be stopped by a giant, glowing, transparent hand that appears from off-screen to smack him down to the court. The narrator asks, "Was some cosmic power denying LeBron his birthright?" On one level, this seems like an overstatement; on another, it is kind of neat to think of ball movement and 3-point shooting as "cosmic powers." The Silver Surfer would probably be killer in the half-court.

The appearance of Jesus as the Mavs' weak-side help defender and the suggestion that James has now overcome that "cosmic power" that was holding him down also turns the neat trick of insinuating that by winning a championship, LeBron James has defied God's will. That's probably not going to make folks more likely to stop hating him or the Heat now.

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