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Kevin Seraphin didn’t celebrate his birthday because the Wizards stink, Randy Wittman seeks exorcist

Eric Freeman
Ball Don't Lie

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Kevin Seraphin wonders if he can ask for two presents next year (Bruce Bennett/ Getty).

Breaking news! The Washington Wizards, owners of the NBA's worst record at 3-18, are really quite terrible. In addition to losing games in pretty much every conceivable fashion, the entire organization is drenched in bad vibes, from the still-hobbled John Wall to the players who came in trades that seriously constrained the franchise's long-term flexibility for the hope of earning a playoff spot. It's been enough to make some players depressed, although as far as we know none of them are hitting up their local Subway restaurants on their rides home.

In a season of lows, the Wizards may have hit their nadir last week. Except it didn't happen on the court, but off it. Second-year forward Kevin Seraphin, a young man with enough money to party in any way he wishes, chose not to celebrate his birthday because the Wizards are losing so many games. From Kevin Jones for WUSA9.com (via TBJ):

Back on December 7th, Seraphin refused to celebrate his 23rd birthday out on the town, even with his roommate Taylor and girlfriend Allison pestering him that he deserved to have some fun. "We keep losing. I feel guilty to celebrate. Not this year," said Seraphin in a frustrated tone.

Seraphin's reluctance to celebrate makes some sense. On that night (a Friday), the Wizards lost to the Hawks 104-95 in Atlanta, running their record to 2-14. He was arguably the team's top performer in the game, putting up 19 points on 9-of-16 shooting, grabbing seven rebounds, and blocking two shots, but sometimes that's not enough.

Still, no matter how you put it, it's pretty sad that a disappointing work experience would keep someone from celebrating his birthday. That's a sign that things are becoming hellish for players and coaches alike.

Luckily, head coach Randy Wittman has a solution to make things better. Like any desperate man, he has turned to the supernatural and is looking for an exorcist. From Chuck Gormley for CSNWashington.com (via PBT):

“If anybody knows an exorcist that can come into this building,” Wittman said. “I don’t believe in that stuff, but I’m not going to stop it.”

As any fan of fine '70s horror movies knows, exorcisms can produce some gnarly by-products, including unappetizing pea soup and heads that turn 360 degrees. If G-Wiz starts doing any of that, don't say we didn't warn you.

The Wizards play Tuesday night at 7 PM. No word yet if William Friedkin will be in attendance.

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