NBA players and similarly rich people are able to buy pretty much anything they want, whether it be a really nice car or a $200 polo shirt with fishing lures printed on it. A life of luxury is a wonderful thing, clearly. The only problem is that, when a man buys lots of high-priced items regularly, he needs a regular source of cash. But how exactly is a regular Joe Power Forward supposed to get vast sums of money when it can take up to 10 minutes to find the nearest ATM?
Thankfully, DeShawn Stevenson has come up with an outside-the-box solution. On Tuesday night, Stevenson posted a photo of himself in his kitchen to his Instagram account. The ostensible purpose was to show off his lime green-heavy dinner outfit, but all anyone could talk about after seeing it was the ATM in his kitchen. As noted by our friends at the Yahoo! Sports Minute (available for viewing above), everyone had a theory. My favorite was that this ATM only dispenses five-dollar bills, in a callback to Stevenson's ridiculous Abraham Lincoln neck tattoo.
There are more questions than answers in this situation, though. Did Stevenson ask a bank or ATM company for the machine? If so, why did they give it to him? Was he being accosted by adoring fans at public ATMs? Or did Stevenson steal the machine? If that's the case, why is it plugged in and clearly working? Did he hire an electrician to rewire it? Does he have to pay a $2.50 out-of-network fee every time he uses it? Does he get that money? Does it go to another organization like the NBPA or NBA Cares? Does it pay back his tattoo artist, to bring things full circle?
We might never understand. Plus, even if we do get an explanation, that'll just explain the logistics. No one can ever really know why DeShawn Stevenson has an ATM in his kitchen. Only the monks in the Himalayas will ever understand that.
- DeShawn Stevenson