Give Marcin Gortat your heart. Give him, give him your heart. (Getty Images)
No, not so close together. Spread them out.
No, keep your thumbs together, but move the rest of your hands apart. Like you are making a capital U.
No, wait, actually, that doesn't look right. Keep your hands positioned that way, with your fingers pointing up, but bring your thumbs down to the sides of your head, just above the ears.
That's it. Now you look like a moose, Marcin Gortat. That's terrific.
Now, for the bad news: The New York Knicks just got like 11 uncontested dunks and layups while you were figuring that out. That ought to teach you never to trust moose-hands directions given by me, noted mischief-maker Spike Lee! Muahahahahahahahaha!
Best caption wins a troublesome moose and squirrel. Good luck.
Runner-up, The Football God: Andre's just glad Jumping Jack didn't flash.
NOTE: Late-'60s Stones references will always be received favorably on Monday mornings. Post-'70s Stones references will be received favorably just about never.
Second runner-up, Jac Pot: Sorry Andre, but Nate Robinson patented this move.