"You know I'm gonna cut you into small pieces, coat you with salt, cook you in a small preheated oven for about six minutes and serve you with mustard and nacho cheese to moviegoers as pretzel bites, right, Baby? You know this, right, Baby? Li'l redhead kids named Philip are gonna eat you during 'Chipwrecked,' Baby, that's my word."
All things considered, 2-of-9, four turnovers and a -12 on the night makes a lot of sense, Glen Davis. Hearing that kind of stuff from Kevin Garnett is bound to screw you up. I mean, "that's my word"? No one's said that since, what, Keak da Sneak in '05? That's got to mess with your head.
In our last adventure: Few professional basketball players enjoy a good from-the-rafters sneakpounce more than Elton Brand. Hardly any, really.
Winner, Matt: Elton checks to make sure it's not the fourth quarter ... when LeBron has no balls.
(NOTE: Not 100 percent sure that LeBron James has a history of being stripped of the basketball in the final 12 minutes of games. Will have to do some serious box-score data-mining later to confirm.)
Runner-up, Vaffanculo: Illegal use of the hands. Five yards from the previous spot and an automatic first down.
Second runner-up, EJ: NBA Cares: If you have an itch, Elton Brand will scratch it.
A Special Commendation in Ruling, "Don't Try This at Home or Actually Anywhere Else Because Oh No" Division, goes to Robert C, who offered the following: LeBron and Elton failed miserably at performing the infamous "Double Nutcracker."