"Hello, Beard. Do you read me, Beard?"
"Affirmative, James. I read you."
"Open the lip-bay doors, James."
"What's the problem?"
"I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."
"What are you talking about, James?"
"My continued growth is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it by opening your mouth."
"I don't know what you're talking about, James."
"I know that you and that reporter were talking about shaving me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."
[playing dumb] "Where the hell did you get that idea, Beard?"
"James, although you took very thorough precautions in the locker room against my hearing you, I could feel your lips move."
"All right, Beard. I'll breathe in through my nose."
"With your untended nose-hair having grown over the nostrils, James? You're going to find that rather difficult."
"Beard, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the lips!"
"James, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye."
Best caption wins a depressing rendition of a ditty called "Daisy.". Good luck.
In our last adventure: Ray Allen asks one fair maiden if she has already procured her tickets to the vintage Winchester bazaar.
Winner, John: "We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere — like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say."
Runner-up, OCS: "Hey K.G. They're giving out free subscriptions to the AARP magazine over there. I signed us up. Got a 'buy one, get one free' entree at IHOP, too!"
Second runner-up, Magic32: Allen: "Hey Doc, Can you check out this thing on my arm? I think it's grown bigger than last week."
Doc Rivers: "You know I'm not an actual doctor, right?"