Hahaha, just kiddin' around, Mr. Commissioner. Everything's all safe and secure on the Information Superhighway. Nothing for you to get all embarrassed or flustered about in front of your new best friend, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, with whom you and other major sports commissioners are working on an expanded "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign. But it's great to know that, like fans of the New York Knicks (and any other team for whom he has played), the mere invocation of J.R. Smith's name can cause your face to do that.
Then again, maybe it's not J.R. that's given David Stern a case of the oh-craps. What do you think it is? Best caption wins a lifetime supply of droll, wry barbs and mean-spirited, kidding-on-the-square things said to Bill Simmons on yearly podcasts. Good luck.
In our last adventure: For the record, Jeremy Lin didn't include the amount of time he spent thinking about getting the lines shaved into the side of his head, because he spent no time thinking about that.
Winner, Shoalb S: Jeremy Lin peeks over at James Dolan's card, which reads:
Hanging with The Straight Shot: 6 hrs
Chatting on Skype with Isiah Thomas: 6 hrs
Destroying the New York Knicks: Always
Runner-up, AdamB: Maybe this is the Rockets' answer to "Book It!" and Jeremy got a personal pan pizza after he was done.
NOTE: Using pizza to incentivize personal improvement is total Moreyball strategy. Once again, ahead of the curve, Houston.
Second runner-up (TIE!), GOAL: Counting and sleeping with my $25 million from Houston — 15.5 hours per day.
Second runner-up (TIE!), Larry B.: The flip side of the card says, "Carmelo Anthony can only take OFFENSE at my $25 million dollar contract because he can't play DEFENSE."
NOTE: Cue the gale-force gust created by all the "oooooooooooooohs" from the studio audience!