As it turns out, you can't write "Greg Stiemsma blows" in a headline. Duly noted.
Best caption wins a Stiemer-sized supply of Fruit Stripe gum. Yipes. (Also, not really.) Good luck.
In our last adventure: Photographers capture Kobe Bryant in the middle of changing into his Superman costume, except wait, that's Dwight or Shaq, and also Metta World Peace is now Wolverine, and ... you know what, screw it. Let's just retcon the entire Los Angeles Lakers into some sort of Amalgam-type thing that'll make this all easier and forgettable.
Winner, JakeVozquel: If the Black Mamba emerges and sees his own shadow, he will play for three more seasons.
Runner-up, OneWiseWoman: "It's disgusting, but my father taught me that when you put your foot in your mouth by making ludicrous promises about the Lakers' success, and then fail miserably, just tuck your head into your own jersey. There's no bravado to any of it; it's just a disgustingly effective little trick."
Second runner-up, Paolo: [gravelly voice] "No one cared who I was until I put on the Lakers jer ... hang on, it's stuck. Can we do over?"
NOTE: Also would've worked with "the mask," come to the think of it.