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Ball Don't Lie

Create-a-Caption: Derek Fisher is really, really mad at Dwyane Wade

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

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Geez, calm down, Derek Fisher. (Getty Images)

Whoa. Settle down, Derek Fisher. Maybe count to 10 or take a deep breath or something.

Well, not too deep, because you've got your mouthpiece precariously placed in the middle of your open maw, which A) makes you look kind of like a xenomorph and B) could very easily result in a choking incident. And not the kind that sports writers around the world desperately want to continue pinning on LeBron James, except that he keeps doing awesome stuff. An actual one that will require the Heimlich maneuver. Nobody wants that; it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

I don't know why you're so agitated at Dwyane Wade — perhaps he is a secret robot who stole and ate your old-people medicine for fuel — but if you keep it up, you are probably going to have one of your famous episodes. So let's just calm down and watch some nice "Matlock," or whatever it is that mature citizens enjoy in the 21st century. Sudoku or something.

What's got Fish so bent out of shape? Best caption wins the only insurance policy that protects you against the metal ones. Good luck.

In our last adventure: LeBron James catches a lift.

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LeBron James knows that cart rental fees are worth every penny. (Getty Images)

Winner, Jones6: "I see what you did there, Paul Pierce. Wait until you see what I am planning with this script."

Runner-up, EJ: "I don't see Dwyane coming. Just take me home, Benson."

Second runner-up, ROCstorm: "Must not punch ... must not punch ..."

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