If you go glass, he'll punch you. (Photo via @MrMichaelLee)
Gary Garey Faulkner, a.k.a. @BengalsBeard. He's from Cincinnati. That beard he's got there is quite something, and as he told Washington Wizards beat reporter extraordinaire Michael Lee, "It's all me, except for the net. But a guy can dream."
Well, this guy sure as hell can, now that he's seen what true greatness looks like. You can always tell a man's serious about his facial hair by the belt-buckle he wears. Also, by the fact that he has made his beard into a sporting good. (Some might say a sporting very good.)
I might recommend steering clear of growing au naturel netting, though, Garey; that seems like a recipe for catching all manner of creatures great and small in the space between your chin and chest. (Fallen nachos, too.) Then again, if you have children, a Nerf ball and a high tolerance for pain, this might make you the coolest dad ever. So many things to consider.
Apparently, Garey is down for dunking:
— Garey Faulkner (@BengalsBeard) October 24, 2013
Oh, by the way, the Wizards beat the Cleveland Cavaliers, 101-82, at
Verizon Center U.S. Bank Arena in Cincinnati on Wednesday. Second-year Wizards guard Bradley Beal (who I like) scored a game-high 21 points on 9 for 16 shooting, including a 3 for 5 mark from 3-point range. We don't have any field-goal percentage stats for attempts on Gary's beard, sadly, which proves that all the analytics guys bemoaning the inadequacy of the box score are 100 percent right all the time.
Hat-tip to noted friend of BDL Seth Rosenthal at SB Nation.
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