That's it, Andrea Bargnani. Feel the salvation of Tyson Chandler's red right hand. Drink deep of the calming, cooling brook that is the New York Knicks center's inner peace. Let the raging must-shoot-contested-22-footers fever within you break, then subside. Respite is yours, if you will only just lean into his grasp. Be healed, dino friend.
(Oh, also, be a pal and don't move too quick to one side or the other, OK? Tyson's having enough problems with early foul trouble as it is these days.)
Best caption wins "Leap of Faith" on laserdisc (not really). Good luck.
In our last adventure: Let Ricky Rubio's smile be your umbrella, Jason Kidd. Also, let it be your primary source of renewable energy, your warmest sweater and the seed of a renewed, abiding faith in the possibility that goodness lies inside all men's hearts.
NOTE: If you're asking yourself which player would be saying this, well, exactly.
Runner-up, Give_and_go: "Hey, Mr. Kidd, you're right! This he-can't-shoot-a-jumper-he'll-never-make-it-in-the-NBA shoe of yours from 1997 DOES fit me perfectly! Thanks!"
NOTE: You bite your tongue, Give_and_go! Sure, Rubio's only making 33.3 percent and 36 percent of shots taken between 10 and 15 feet away and from 16 to 23 feet out, respectively, but he's also hitting 50 percent from 3-point range. Plus, with just a five-game, 135-minute sample size, who knows if there's more stroke there than we thought? Wait a second: Numbers and things in a C-a-C? What have we become?!?
Second runner-up, Alex B: Mrs. Ricky Nowitzki
Ms. Ricky Nowitzki
Mrs. Ricky Nowitzki-Rubio.