"No, for real, it's like the worst thing you've ever seen. It lights up and makes noise, and it's gonna happen every time they hit a home run. You gotta see the animation of what this thing will look like in motion. It's awful as hell, yo. Forget about the 'Miami' Marlins — always been a Jeff Conine man, always will be a Jeff Conine man.
"Hmm? What's that? Oh, hit me. ... 36? How the [EXPLETIVE] is that even possible?"
If that monstrosity in Miami can come to pass, then anything's possible, Tracy McGrady. (Also, the pit boss should probably take a look at that dealer.) It's hard to disagree with T-Mac on this one. Oh, well — at least he can rock the lid of his choice and set himself adrift on Renteria-fueled memories bliss.
Runner-up, Solomon Grundy: After playing way too much "Street Fighter" during the lockout, Deron Williams attempts to throw the hadouken at his Turkish opponents.
Second runner-up, Brenda: "I'm ready to play some paper football. Hey, I wonder if they call it paper soccer over here?"
NOTE: This second runner-up brought to you (not really) by ProPaperFootball.com, which is a real Web site that exists (really).