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C-a-C: The secret of David Stern’s power? He’s half-dilophosaurus

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

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A group of reporters crowds around NBA Commissioner David Stern following a meeting of the league's owners in Dallas.

Hard-Hitting Scribe for the Reliable Ol' Local Fishwrap: "Commissioner, any comment on players' union president Derek Fisher emphasizing unity at an NBPA meeting in Las Vegas earlier today?"

Commissioner Stern: "We think that's a good thing. We would like to negotiate —"

/neck frills fly open

/spits blinding, paralyzing poison onto the face and neck of Hard-Hitting Scribe, who stumbles toward the pay phone to drop a dime to the rewrite man to secure the white-hot scoop that the Commish is a lizard-man, but quickly drops dead as a doornail, plus other olde-tyme sayings

Stern (resuming): "— negotiate with a strong union that's capable of delivering a deal."

Aaaaand scene.

I mean, no one'll write it that way for fear of being the next contestant on that Poison Spit screen, but that's how it happens. For true.

Best caption wins safety goggles. Good luck.

In our last adventure: "The Matrix" blesses the mic.


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Winner, Mr.Moore: "Who are the five best rappers of all time? Think about it. Shawn Marion, Shawn Marion, Shawn Marion, Shawn Marion and Shawn Marion. Because I spit hot fire."

Runner-up, Dago: "So, we're getting championship microphones, not rings? And they're blue?!"

Second runner-up, Mike: Dallas airport security is getting out of hand.

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