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Ball Don't Lie

C-a-C Past Lives: You should not be using that at a press conference, Kobe Bryant

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

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Gotta get back in time ... Welcome to another edition of Create-a-Caption Past Lives. Utterly befuddled as to what this is? Then go take a peek at the first episode to get the lay of the land, ya maroon!

Hey: Let's get serious, young Kobe Bryant. An official public appearance is no place for that.

I mean, listen, whatever you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. I'm cool, man. I'm not here to be the Fun Police and harsh out your good times. But it's double-dumb and very irresponsible to bust it out in front of your brand new sponsors! What, do you think they're going to be happy to see you holding onto that ... that thing and giggling like a schoolkid? This is not the professional image you want to project, Kobe. I'll be honest; I'm not even mad. I'm just very, very disappointed.

Now give me the didgeridoo -- seriously, no one wants to hear it -- and let's see if we can't get this trip to Australia back on track.

Best caption wins a video named "Didgeridoo FAIL," obviously, because this is Internet. Good luck.

In our last adventure: I know you think you're pretty slick, Carmelo Anthony, what with your laser-light-show-Nas-rapping-shoe-release parties, but you are not doing a very good job of hiding whatever it is you're saying about LeBron James. Also, he is literally inches away from you, so he heard it all.

Basically, the next time you see him in the lunchroom, it is going to be awkward. Just be ready for that.


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Winner, Jason: 'Melo: "I am not bloated. I am Bartles and you are James."

NOTE: This wins because WHAT EVEN IS IT? Bartles and Jaymes references in 2K11? Is there a rich vein of "Carmelo and LeBron as alternate reality/wine-cooler-based tag team" fan fiction that you guys have been hiding from me? Also, how are you hiding it? Wait, where do you guys get your fanfic? Are you not using Where are you guys going? So many questions! In conclusion, what even is this, except a winner. Thank you for playing

Runner-up, Kyler R.: 'Melo: "Say it, don't spray it, bro."

Second runner-up, Jrob: Nope. No rings there, either.

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