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Ball Don't Lie

A $13,000 basketball? Seems like a great idea!

Jay Busbee
Ball Don't Lie

Look at this blue basketball. Look at it. Pure beauty, right? Geometric and aesthetic perfection, achievement and aspiration bound inextricably together in a single seamed sphere. And it's yours for a mere $12,900. Sure, that's a lot, but beauty ain't cheap, you philistine.

This basketball, the product of Hermès, is handstitched calfskin leather, and as you'd imagine, it's not exactly meant for you to film dunk videos in your driveway. The ball is crafted in the style of the company's 'Birkin' bag, but you already knew that. It's meant to promote the company's reopened 12,000-square-foot Beverly Hills "boutique" shop, and also to show you that no matter how much money you make in your life, there'll always be someone who has infinitely more than you.

The ball's deep blue stands for “the sky, the ocean and all the beautiful pools that are a way of life in LA and Southern California," according to Robert Chavez, American CEO of Hermès. You could, in theory, add the blue of the Oklahoma City Thunder to that list, but Hermès probably thinks that Oklahoma City is one of those mythical lands like Atlantis.

Chavez says the ball is indeed fully functional. "The leather is sturdy," he said. "Why not make such a unique item come to life on the court?" Said court must be of hand-hewn and gently aged redwood planks shellacked with organic lacquer, of course.

There are only two of these balls in existence (must ... resist ... Russian billionaire joke), but if you want one, Hermès will certainly hook you up. Shoot, your kid's not gonna need college anyway; one year of seasoning overseas is all that's necessary before jumping to the NBA these days.

Also, that look you took at the ball? That'll be $10, payable by cash, check or Paypal.

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