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What if the entire Nationwide Series schedule had health condition sponsors?

Nick Bromberg
From The Marbles
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Saturday's Nationwide race at Bristol was titled the "Drive to Stop Diabetes 300," the second health-related sponsorship after the season-opening "Drive for COPD 300."

And guess what? There's more. This week's Nationwide race at Auto Club Speedway in California is the "TreatMyClot.com 300." That's three health-related sponsorships in five races.

This got us thinking, which is a very dangerous proposition. What if all 33 races were named for health conditions? After all, we already have the "Dollar General 300 Miles of Courage" later in the season and the "VisitMyrtleBeach.com 300" (in Kentucky, nonetheless) while the Phoenix race on March 1 was the "Blue Jeans Go Green 200 Presented by Cotton, the Fabric of our Lives."

It can't get much more absurd.

So here's our ideal full-season of races named for health conditions. When compared to the three real sponsors, some of them aren't so crazy, right?

• Drive for COPD 300, Daytona

• Dry Out Oozing Sunburn 200 Phoenix

• Domesticate Foreign Accent Syndrome 300, Las Vegas

• Drive to Stop Diabetes 300, Bristol

• TreatMyClot.com 300, Auto Club

• No More Narcissistic Personality Disorder 300, Texas

• Stomp Out Metabolic Syndrome 200, Darlington

• Virginia is for Lovers Who Take Precautions, 250, Richmond

• Relax Your Hypertension 312, Talladega

• File Down Your Corns 250, Iowa

• Snuff Out Snuff 300, Charlotte

• Dropkick Dermatitis 200, Dover

• Interfere with Ingrown Hair 250, Michigan

• Eradicate Excessive Cheese Cutting 200, Road America

• Kick Toenail Fungus 300, Kentucky

• Rise Up Against Low Testosterone 250, Daytona

• Fly Away, Flu 200, New Hampshire

• Halt Hodophobia 300, Chicagoland

• Stop Syphillis 200, Indianapolis

• Avert Armpit Hair Infections 250, Iowa

• Sausage Finger Lakes 200, Watkins Glen

• Scratch Out Athlete's Foot 200, Mid-Ohio

• Caution Against Chlamydia 250, Bristol

• Freeze Out Frigophobia 300, Atlanta

• Arachnophobia Awareness 250, Richmond

• Stabilize Essential Tremors 300, Chicagoland

• WhatSTDDoIHave.com 300, Kentucky

• Cure Soy Sauce Overdosage 200, Dover

• What's the Matter with Kansans' Waistlines? 300, Kansas

• Lick Geographic Tongue Condition 300, Charlotte

• Ring Out Tinnitus 300, Texas

• Prevent Plaque 200, Phoenix

• Let's Hook Fish Odor Syndrome 300 Homestead

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Nick Bromberg is the editor of From The Marbles on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at nickbromberg@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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