Jeff Gordon is about to find out. Mecklenburg County, North Carolina commissioners have approved a plan to name a 1.6-mile section of Interstate 85 the "Jeff Gordon Expressway." The commissioners must now ask the North Carolina Department of Transportation to approve the designation.
Jeff Gordon Expressway will end at the Mecklenburg-Cabarrus county line, just short of -- get this -- Dale Earnhardt Boulevard. Nearby is the Richard Petty Freeway, and a little north of that is the Richard Petty Freeway.
Congratulations to Gordon; we'd love to see a cop pull him over on that section of highway now. And since we never pass up the opportunity for a cheap joke, we invite you to consider what other freeways named for NASCAR drivers might look like, such as:
• The Tony Stewart Expressway, naturally, would run right through the drive-thru of a Burger King.
• The Jimmie Johnson Freeway would actually be the fastest, most efficient route to get to your destination, but people would still bitch and say that the old-timey cracked-pavement roads were much better.
• The Dale Earnhardt Jr. Expressway would start out smoothly enough, but strangely, your exit that's only supposed to be a mile away never seems to get any closer ...
• The Kyle Busch Freeway would have a minimum speed of 128 mph.
• The Kurt Busch Expressway would run parallel to the Jimmie Johnson Freeway, but somehow would always manage to get you there just a little bit later.
And ... go!
- Jeff Gordon