In recapping last week's fight, we find out that John Polakowski dyed his hair bright pink, and that Vinny disposed of Jules Bruchez fairly easily. Back at the house, we see that Tom Lawlor is annoyed because his fruit platter gets picked through by Team Nog. To keep them from eating his fruit, he is going to urinate in it. Then the rest of Team Mir urinates in it. Ewww. Boys are gross. (Hopefully, this won't mean that the whole show will be about pranks. That gets old quickly.)
Fight announcement: David Kaplan v. "Faintin" Phillipe Nover. Kaplan as an odd eyebrow reminiscent of Dylan McKay. Mir and Nog spout out the usual "they think this is going to be an easy fight but it's not" trash talk. At the house, Bader and Nover start eating the fruit. The fruit covered in urine. I am nauseous. When the guys are told that they were drinking pee-fruit, they get a little nauseous, too.
Kaplan comes from a wrestling background, having wrestled at Old Dominion, but Mir said that he is best on his feet. Junie gets annoyed that David won't spar with him, and when I say annoyed, I mean temper tantrum: talking to himself, hitting things, the whole nine yards.
Oh man, more food shenanigans. Phillipe is annoyed that his sushi has gone missing, and they decide to put their, um, man juice on the sushi. Men can really be disgusting. Kingsbury provides his "special sauce" (his words, not mine) for the sushi. Kaplan admits that he ate it, and is disgusted. He plans on retaliating with fecal matter.
Phillipe is from Brooklyn and an emergency room nurse. He claims that he is made for the cage, and seems ridiculously focused. He then cooks a Filipino delicacy for the guys which is a a duck egg just about to hatch. As they eat, you can see the heads. Why are the producers bound and determined to make me vomit during this episode?
There is way too much talking and joking, and not enough training and fighting in this episode. Now, they are back at the house and Junie is telling Phillipe some ways to beat Kaplan. Not that I had respect for Junie, but now I have even less.
As he is walking towards the Octagon, Nog throws some water onto Phillipe. Did this become Flashdance and no one told me? Finally, a fight is underway. Phillippe comes out hard striking, and knocks Kaplan down. Phillipe then puts on a ground and pound clinic until he can work a rear naked choke, making Kaplan tap. I have to assume that Phillipe is the "next Anderson Silva" that Dana White has referred to, because his face was glowing when recapping the fight. Nog, Stankie and Team Nog are overjoyed about the fight. Dana then says that Phillipe reminds him of a young GSP.
Kaplan's face is busted up, partly because he tried to test his chin against Phillipe's fists. Mir says that he didn't even have a chance to coach Kaplan druring the fight because it happened so quickly. Indeed.
Next week: Kaplan starts drinking too much of the drank, and it's the coach's challenge! That is my favorite episode of the season!
Wasting Food is a Sin Award: Tom Lawlor, for urinating on his fruit. Though I guess it's not really wasting it since Team Nog went ahead and ate it.
Would You Rather Award: No real award, but Kyle's Man Juice or all of Team Mir's Urine? Death is not an option.
Pot Calling the Kettle Black Award: Junie Browning, for whining that no one else is taking training very seriously