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What in Vegas has kept Peavy out of the Cubbie blue man group?

David Brown
Big League Stew

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Yahoo! Sports sluggers Jeff Passan, along with Gordon Edes and Tim Brown, are reporting that the Jake Peavy-to-the-Cubs trade might be just one detail from actually happening. It certainly will have been worth the decade-long wait when it does come down. In the meantime, one has to wonder exactly what else caused the delay for Cubs general manager Jim Hendry and Padres' GM Kevin Towers? As the following speculative list suggests, pulling off a big deal at MLB's Winter Meetings is harder than just swapping some names. Here are the hidden hang-ups in the Peavy deal:

10. EMTs struggling to keep the EKG leads hooked up to Hendry's chest

9. Complicated multi-team transaction gets bogged down even more when Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich insists on throwing Barack Obama's vacant U.S. Senate seat into the deal.

8. Can't pull Towers away from Bette Midler show at Caesars long enough to take a dang phone call.

7. An avid rifleman, Peavy refuses to stop picking off Vegas showgirls he confuses for "peacocks," and it's really piling up the bodies for the CSI guys.

6. Cubs signing of ancient right-hander Chad Fox to a minor-league contract satisfies Hendry's "roster-move Jones" for December.

5. Padres cost-slashing plan includes going without outfield in '09, which might save enough money for club to keep Peavy after all.

4. As a non-emancipated adult subject to parental visitation rights under whack divorce laws in California, Peavy is a sad pawn in the messy breakup of Pads owners John and Becky Moores.

3. Hendry solemnly waiting for the Sabathia drama to play out, not because it affects Peavy but because "it will really #&@%$-up my fantasy team if CC stays in the National League."

2. If acting MLB Commissioner-in-Vegas Wayne Newton gives a thumbs down to a deal, then sorry, buddy, that's the way it goes.

1. Sandberg dunked Durham's mitt in Gatorade — wait, that's how the Cubs blew the '84 NLCS.

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