MINNEAPOLIS — Avert your eyes!
Aw, it's too late.
Even homelier than Mauer's on-field predicament is the T-shirt they're selling with his image in the Twins clubhouse shop at Target Field.
It's awesomely, spectacularly and uncompromisingly ugly. It's got to be the ugliest T-shirt in baseball history.
Of course, I bought one for $49.
Like the part of the human condition that causes people to stare at auto wrecks along the side of the road, the Mauer shirt called to me. I rubbernecked.
The 100-percent polyester shirt is made by Three60, a company based out of St. Louis that brings together those wonderfully American concepts: Sublimation printing and baseball.
It's like wearing a tie-dye that sort of looks like the front of a baseball card. Bill Walton would love it.
Three60's website says it makes shirts for eight teams (so far) including the Yankees, Phillies and Giants. So if you're a fan of a playoff team, and you don't give a darn what people think about what you're wearing, you can get one of your guys right now.
Ryan Howard(notes) and Chase Utley(notes)? They got 'em. Tim Lincecum(notes)? Get your Freak on. Derek Jeter(notes) and Alex Rodriguez(notes)? They get two styles apiece (heh, New York) both of which probably cause dizziness. The Twins also sell Justin Morneau(notes) shirts. Getting one of those would be a nice show of solidarity for him.
It keeps going on the back! The New M & M boys, in all of their glory. I asked a sales clerk if the Twins had sold a lot of these yet. "Not really," he said.
There's just no accounting for taste anymore.
* * *
Follow Dave on Twitter — @AnswerDave
Picture taken from my BlackBerry smartphone