On May 5, a Toronto Blue Jays fan named Joe made a regrettable decision that many fans before him have made — he ran onto the field during a game. He was tackled by security at the Rogers Centre, taken to jail and charged with criminal mischief.
With many of these fans-acting-a-fool cases, things usually stop after that. But this one is something special. Turns out the police officers who took Joe into custody wrote a hilarious arrest report empathizing with him because of how disappointing the "hapless" Blue Jays were, even back in May. Joe was "giving Jays fans a brief respite" from their agony, the police wrote.
We're learning this now because Joe — the charges against whom were dropped on Wednesday — went and created a website about his ordeal. He talks about everything from jumping onto the field to going to court. And shares the entire police report. Here it is:
The guys over at the Drunk Jays Fans blog did us all the service of transcribing the report so it's easier to read:
On May 5, 2013 at approximately 3:18 PM the Toronto Blue jays were surprisingly winning against the underrated Seattle Mariners. Our hapless Jays limped along to the bottom of the 8th inning. At one point, the Jays were considered World Series contenders. One can almost forgive the accused for his below described actions.
Luckily, the accused ran onto the field from level 100 and wasn’t forced to jump from the 500 level out of sheer frustration.
In any event, the accused before the court, Joseph [Redacted], in what can only be described as an attempt to inject some kind of spark in our listless Jays, ran onto the field “interrupting” the game, giving jays fans a brief respite from their season long agony.
The accused was subsequently placed under arrest to applause, transported to 52 Division where he was released on a Form 10/11.1.
Our field-dashing friend also posted letters from his attorney and from the Toronto prosecutor, the latter of which references Gandhi and Shakespeare and gives Joe a way out. Runner Joe (that's his Twitter name) donated some cash to Jays Care, a charitable arm of the team and that led to the charges getting dropped. According to his Twitter feed, he isn't even banned from the Rogers Centre anymore.
His website feels like a mixture of a wedding homepage and Bart Simpson writing "I will not run onto a baseball field while a game is going on" on the chalkboard 50 times. Runner Joe makes it clear people should NOT follow his example.
He ends the "story" section of his site with this:
Rogers Centre staff, if you are reading: I would like to take this time to apologize to the staff @ Rogers Centre who had to chase and tackle me. I meant no harm by my actions.
At least all of this came to an informative — and quite hilarious — resolution. And seriously people, don't run on the field, see how much work it requires afterward?