It remains to be seen what Major League Baseball will do, if anything, to right-hander Alex Sanabia of the Miami Marlins for spitting on the ball Monday night. Umpires didn't seem to notice. The Philadelphia Phillies didn't seem to notice. Broadcasters didn't either. But fans did.
While Sanabia awaits his fate, if he's waiting, let's give him a nickname. Any one of these 10 would do:
10. Alex Salivia: Sanabia's name lends itself perfectly to our game.
9. Oscar Spitorius: It's not baseball, but it's too good to go unused.
8. Rob Dribble: Can strike the grandstand with a mouth projectile from 400 feet away.
7. Hakan Loogey: Or go with "Hawk Harrelson" to keep hockey out of it.
6. Spew Burdette: Spahn and Sain and you don't want to pray for this kind of rain.
5. Drip Sewell: Threw a famous "esophagus pitch" to Ted Williams.
4. Dave Phlegmanczyk: Blue Jays, represent! (Would also make a good "Garbage Pail Kid," while we're at it.)
3. Squirt Schilling: Ickiest-sounding of them all?
2. Larry Frothschild: Wise and well-coiffed in the way of wetting the ball.
1. Vern Druhle: Played with Joe Niekro, who knew a thing or two about doctoring a ball.
Bonus: Mucus Harrell.