Breaking my computer monitor and running away was quite unprofessional, Paul Konerko.
Aw, that's just great! Who is going to pay for this monitor? Tiny Paul Konerko, you come back here! Ugh!
Look, all I did was go to the Chicago Tribune's website to see who the Bears might be seeking in the NFL draft and free agency to supplement the Brandon Marshall acquisition when — uninvited! — Tiny Paul Konerko walks onto my screen carrying a bat. He starts jabbering about White Sox season tickets and he hits a baseball right into my monitor. Shatters it. You can see the damage! The guy's not even wearing cleats or baseball pants. Tells me to "bring a glove next time." And then he just walks away. The nerve of some people. Come back here, Tiny Paul Konerko, you'll pay for this! Somebody stop him!
At least Tiny Elvis was harmless fun. Tiny Paul Konerko? He's nothing but destruction.
Well, at least I got a screen shot for the civil suit. But it wasn't over. The same assault happened again when I went to the front page for some political news. ...
That's TWO laptop monitors destroyed, Tiny Konerko!
Does anyone know if this sort of thing is covered by AppleCare? Heck, they shouldn't have to pay for it — the White Sox should. I'm going to chairman Jerry Reinsdorf himself and let him know what his favorite ballplayer has been up to. No good, that's what! Konerko is making $12 million this season. He was one of, maybe, the 10 best hitters in the AL in 2011. And that gives him the right to break my monitor?! Trying to set off home run fireworks in my living room? Do you know the kind of damage fireworks could do to an area rug? These ballplayers today.
I called the White Sox to complain, and you know what they said? That Tiny Robin Ventura and Tiny John Danks have made similar ads. The entire team, miniaturized, is going to be wrecking computer screens across the planet, all in the name of season tickets.
In case you're lucky and, for whatever reason (wrong cookies?), the Konerko auto play ad doesn't appear on your screen, here's a link to the demo.
But be warned — it'll wreck your monitor just the same.
- Paul Konerko