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The Yankees will win the World Series if these five absurd things happen

Mike Oz
Big League Stew
MLB: Boston Red Sox at New York Yankees
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Can the Yankees win the World Series? Maybe not, but they might if they follow our absurd plan. (USA Today)

It's September. Divisions are up for grabs, wild card races are wild and half of MLB still has a chance at the playoffs. The Stew is in the process of planning out how 16 contenders could win the World Series, "could" being the operative word. Warning: All plans will be absurd, some will be more absurd than others.

Team: New York Yankees

Record: 71-66

Status: The Yankees are all but done in the race for first place in the AL East. The Baltimore Orioles had a 9 1/2 game lead at the start of action Thursday. But that's OK, because the Yankees are in play for the AL wild card. They're four games behind the Tigers for the second spot, with the Seattle Mariners lodged between them. The Yankees have amazingly withstood injuries to four of their starting pitchers and they're still alive. New York is 24-19 in the second half and its offense seems to be getting better at the right time too.

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(AP)

(AP)

THE YANKEES WILL WIN THE WORLD SERIES IF THESE FIVE THINGS HAPPEN:

1. Masahiro Tanaka suddenly heals and returns to the Yankees pitching staff. However, he soon realizes he's able to pitch at an ace-like level with both arms. Joe Girardi makes him the team's No. 1 and No. 2 starter.

2. Derek Jeter gets the following e-mail:

Dear Derek:
This is Fate writing. I've been making things hard on you this season because I'm tired of you being so good, so rich and having all the best girlfriends. Your struggles at the plate? All me, bro.

But I give up. After reading various comment threads and sad tweets from Yankees fans, I'm going to stop getting in your way and let you be 100% of the Derek Jeter you've been all these years. Henceforth, you will bat .750 and drive in every runner on base each time you're at bat. Even I, all mighty Fate, can't stand in the way of the Derek Jeter Farewell Machine.

Your friend,
Fate

p.s. Tell A-Rod, I'm not done with him yet.

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(AP)

(AP)

3. The Yankees find the AL East kryptonite and unleash it. We know they have a tough schedule to finish the season, but the Yankees actually play 22 of their final 25 games against teams in the AL East. (The also play three against the Royals). With only one day off too. Heading into Thursday's game against the Red Sox, the Yankees are 25-29 against division opponents. So disarming the AL East is of utmost importance.

4. Via an elaborate ruse — like what the El Paso Chihuahuas pulled on Jeff Francoeur — the Yankees convince Chase Headley, Martin Prado, Carlos Beltran and Mark Teixeira it's 2012 again and they play accordingly. They were all much better in 2012. Like +12.5 WAR better compared to this season. If the ruse doesn't work, then hypnotize them.

5. George Steinbrenner rises from the grave and fixes everything. (I mean, that's the solution to all Yankees problems, isn't it?)

PREVIOUSLY IN THIS SERIES: Cleveland IndiansMiami Marlins

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Mike Oz is an editor for Big League Stew on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at mikeozstew@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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