The next time Stephen Strasburg feels like celebrating a win at Nationals Park by eating what has to be the biggest hamburger in Major League Baseball history, his team knows the perfect spot.
That would be the Red Porch restaurant, which is situated beyond the lower-deck seats in center field. It's there where the Washington Nationals will be selling an eight-pound monstrosity called the StrasBurger.
Eight pounds! Even counting bun and toppings, that's approximately the size of 32 Quarter Pounders from McDonald's. Or a child's bowling ball. Or a smallish human head. Choose your own freakish comparison! They'd all be hard to digest.
[T]he StrasBurger is a monstrous all-beef burger (combination of ground brisket, chuck and short ribs). The burger is served on a large burger bun with our secret sauce, American cheese, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced red onions, pickle chips and served with a cone basket of fresh cut fries and a pitcher of your choice of soft drink.
A pitcher of soft drink? A notable choice not only for the amount of drink you get — probably putting the biggest Big Gulp to shame — but also the play on words: A pitcher. Get it? Strasburg's a pitcher. Zing! They've punned his name and his position, and haven't even included dessert.
However many pounds and ounces, it should make for quite a happy meal — as long as Strasburg keeps his arm healthy and doesn't make GM Mike Rizzo grimace. So, I'm all for this concept, but only if the Nats also make closer Drew Storen dress in a StrasBurglar costume if he happens to blow a Strasburg victory. (Robble, robble.)
Heretofore, the biggest known hamburger in professional baseball (aside from Prince Fielder) was thought to be the Fifth Third Burger, 5 1/3 pounds of intestine-challenging beef bought and sold at West Michigan Whitecaps games. That burger was named after a ballpark named after a bank. This burger is named for the best young pitching prospect in the sport, hence the 2 2/3 additional pounds. An all-American kid should have big food named after him. But imagine the resulting bezoar.
And Strasburg is still a prospect, having yet to surpass 100 career innings because of an injury that sidelined him for most of the 2011 season. But he's no longer merely recovering from Tommy John elbow ligament replacement surgery; he's thriving again. He was called "sharp" by the Washington Post in his most recent spring outing.
Strasburg is on the verge of becoming a star. The marketing of his career is in full swing. His burger is ready.