Some fans consider Major League Baseball stadiums to be almost sacred places. They'll take little bottles and fill them with souvenirs of dirt, or glass or clay from their favorite park, or they'll buy squares of turf from the team. Some even have their family spread their ashes into the outfield — perhaps a little creepy if you happen to play center or have to cut the grass, but it's done with the best of intentions.
After spending 30 years inefficiently exploiting the nostalgia market, the Kansas City Royals have started offering their fans something no other club can: Water from the famed Kauffman Stadium fountains. It's the very lifeblood of the ballpark! And it's only $19.99 per bottle. MLB.com's shopping website doesn't say how much water you get, but it comes in what looks like a Fiji bottle, as The Big Lead implies.
Here's what MLB.com says about the water:
• Take a piece of Kauffman Stadium home with you. All bottles are authenticated by Major League Baseball.
• This product is officially licensed and authenticated by Major League Baseball and comes with the MLB hologram guaranteeing its' authenticity.
Did you notice that it comes authenticated by Major League Baseball? And it comes with a hologram as proof! Bud Selig keeps those in his personal desk.
What it doesn't say:
• That you can't drink it, although consider that this lady was swimming in the fountains as recently as 2013. It's probably potable, if not downright good for you. It's from Missouri, after all.
• That there's probably baseball DNA in it — and player DNA too. Although it's rare during games, players hit batting practice homers into the fountains frequently. That means, in a few short years, scientists will be able to clone Jeff Francoeur (or a horrifying man/bat chimera) from your bottle of Kauffman fountain water.
• That it wasn't blessed by Hall of Fame slugger George Brett. The high priest of Royals baseball almost certainly has sanctified the fountains hundreds of times since the park opened in 1973. And if not Brett, then Bishop Joe Randa has performed the rites as well.
How much do the Royals stand to make from the bottling and selling of Kauffman fountain water? The fountains are 322 feet wide — and the largest privately funded fountains in the world. That's 500,000 gallons of water flowing. Its cash value all depends on how badly Royals fans want the team to re-sign James Shields and add other players in free agency for the World Series push in coming seasons. If only the team had started selling water sooner, they could have outbid the Yankees for Omar Infante and Carlos Beltran.
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