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David Brown

Not sure what to get the wife this holiday season? Relief is here!

David Brown
Big League Stew

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The holidays approach — Hanukkah begins Dec. 21 — which means Big League Stew is on the lookout for the neatest baseball-themed gifts for enthusiasts of what's still our national pastime. Welcome to the second installment of Big League Stew's Holiday Gift Guide '08!

The following is a dramatization of what happens every day in ballparks across the USA:

On a chilly evening in October 2005, the Houston Astros led the Chicago White Sox 4-2 in the seventh inning of Game 2 of the World Series. The bases were loaded with two outs as reliever Chad Qualls came in to pitch to Paul Konerko.

Nancy Rastrelli of Lemont, Ill. faced a dilemma. She had finished her third beer, an MGD Lite, and needed to use the facilities. She, in fact, was long overdue to do so. If Rastrelli got up from her seat and went to the ladies room, outside which the line ran long, she surely would miss her favorite player in a key moment of the game, possibly the Series, possibly White Sox history. If she stayed in her seat, no matter what happened on the field, her personal discomfort could be prologue to embarrassing disaster.

Ms. Rastrelli sneered at the rest of her row, which included her husband and 10 other fans, most of whom also were men and thus born with bigger bladders. None of the men appeared to be bursting.

What if Ms. Rastrelli didn't have to choose between relieving herself and watching the White Sox? What if she could do both?

Stadium Gal ($34.95 from BioRelief.com) could have been her salvation. The makers of Stadium Pal, a "portable restroom" that uses external catheter technology, have come up with a feminine counterpart. Equal rights, at long last, sisters.

A woman has never been more independent than when she is attached to a Stadium Gal, which advertises its product as easy, safe and totally "discrete" (although they mean "discreet") as long it's hidden underneath "loose-fitting pants." Use your best fashion judgment, gals.

The Stadium Gal site is replete with two testimonials, from "Sara" and "Kara" who both are from Cincinnati. They never missed any Joey Votto or Jay Bruce moments, that's for sure, just because they had to use a restroom.

Be sure to check out Big League Stew's other items in the Holiday Gift Guide '08, which includes a baseball bat pepper mill.

Happy holidays from the Stew!

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