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David Brown

Morning Juice: Marlins, Mermaids hot, Brandon Webb not

Big League Stew

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This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine together with the most recent and decent major league happenings. Today's Roll Call starts in Miami, where the Marlins stopped Arizona's Brandon Webb like the G'ints stopped the Patriots at Super Bowl at Super Bowl XLII, like the Allies stopped Rommel at El Alamein, like Diff'rent Strokes stopped itself by adding Sam to the show. No 10-0 for you, Webbed Wonder!

Game of the Day: Marlins 3, D'backs 1

Main squeeze: Trailing 1-0 against Webb, Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez called for a suicide squeeze with Matt Treanor batting and Luis Gonzalez at third base. It worked, tying the score in the fifth. "It's awesome, especially when you hear the crowd going wild as you're getting tagged out," Treanor said.

Ears burning: In a broadcast booth hundreds of miles away in Houston, Bob Brenly probably got pissed off at Ben Davis all over again for bunting on Curt Schilling during a perfect game.

Got a date for the Andy Hawkins Dance?: Webb failed in trying to become the third pitcher since World War I to win his first 10 starts. Hawkins won 10 in 1985, and only Jamie Moyer remembers Eddie Cicotte's 12 in a row to start 1919. Later that season, Eddie and some of his teammates did some bad things in the World Series.

Fishy smell: Few still believe in the Marlins, who got a great game out of righty Ricky Nolasco and a home run by Cody Ross to help upend the D-b's again. "We still have a lot to prove," Gonzalez said. "People are waiting to see if this is a legitimate team, and that's to be expected. It's a young team and a tough division."

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AL Game of the Day: Yankees 8, Orioles 0

Great game you're missing: Umpires apparently blew another home-run call, this time on A-Rod's liner that hit the yellow stairs — yuck, yellow stairs — behind the wall in right-center at Yankee Stadium. A-Rod probably will get to 700 anyway, but it's the timing of the whole thing, with the other publicized missed calls in recent days. Umps are going to replaced by Killer Cyborgs if they're not careful.

Conversion: Joe Girardi announced that Joba Chamberlain will become a starting pitcher. Chamberlain pitched two innings Wednesday and is working his way toward the major-league accepted five or six. If Jawbuh is going into the Yankees rotation, is he going to replace Darrell Rasner? Rasner, who would have a great sports agent name, is 3-0 with a 1.89 ERA in three starts so far.

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Feelin' rundown (Wednesday's other games):

White Sox 7, Indians 2 — Seven in a row for the WSox. Jermaine Dye's first homer, a three-run shot, came after an aggressive slide by A.J. Pierzynski helped stop a potential rally killing double play. A.J. just ruins everything. Paul Byrd is in the midst of a Christian journey and struggles to avoid, among other things, pornography. Ironic, because he looks almost exactly like porn star Randy Spears.

Red Sox 6, Royals 3 — If the Red Sox win another World Series, I've got a marketing concept for them: Bartolo Cologne. Hey, if Jeter can do it ...

Giants 3, Rockies 2 (10 inn.) — If you're sick and old, you can play for the Giants. A backup catcher named Steve Holm twice before the game tossed his cookies and lost a chance to start. Holm felt better in the late innings (thank you, Animal Crackers) so manager Bruce Bochy used him to pinch hit in the ninth — and Professor Vomitus comes through with a tying double. Speaking of tenure, ancient Omar Vizquel nearly had the day off to rest his gimpy knee but instead played and had a couple of key contributions, including a game-winning sacrifice fly.

Brewers 4, Pirates 1 — Complete-game, 11-hitter for Ben Sheets. That's old school right there. Very Jack Morris.

Phillies 12, Nationals 2 — The Phils offense busts out like it's supposed to with 15 hits and a season-best in runs scored. Ryan Howard hits two homers; his average had sunk to .183 after the first two games of the series. Jamie Moyer gets the win on his 61st birthday.

Braves 11, Mets 4 — Rick Sutcliffe back in the booth after cancer treatment. Add him to the All-Survivor Team! Flushing's Finest was caught on TV throwing things in the dugout with much force during this one. Jeff Francoeur, his Iron Man (at least Aluminum Man) streak over at 370 games, homered and drove in four. Chipper's at .410 after going 1-for-2. He homered, left the game after being hit by a pitch, but is expected to live. Former president Jimmy Carter watched the game and built a house during the Seventh Inning Stretch.

Astros 5, Cubs 3Shawn Chacon owns probably the most frustrating record for a starting pitcher: nine straight no-decisions to start a season. It's over now. "It feels like I won my first game ever, that's how long it's been," Chacon said. Lance Berkman: 0-3 with a run and his ninth steal.

Cardinals 11, Padres 3 — Seems like this series lasted sixteen games. One too long for Chris Young, who was hit in the nose by an Albert Pujols liner. Lots and lots of blood. Odd thing was, the ball was ticketed for the center field bleachers because ... Young ... is ... 6-foot-10. ... Sorry.

Dodgers 5, Reds 2 — Who's this guy pretending to be Johnny Cueto? Griffey still looking ahead to his 600th home run. As Yahoo's Tim Brown points out, few seem to care about the milestone. And to think, Junior is the same guy who grew up — with, gigantism, on the Simpsons — before our eyes.

Athletics 9, Rays 1Andy Sonnanstine, we're just going to pretend like this didn't happen. You know who's good? Dana Eveland, who apparently reminds people of David Wells. "If you're a chubby lefty it always gets you the comparison," Eveland, whose back is covered in an "EVELAND" tattoo, was quoted as saying in Janie McCauley's AP story. David Wells' back is covered in an "EVELAND" tattoo?

Tigers 9, Mariners 4 — "Home Improvement" co-star Richard Karn ("Al") tosses the ceremonial first pitch and gets more on it than Jarrod Washburn does over his 2 1/3. Washburn's ERA is 6.99 — so where is all the fan and media buzz for him to surpass 7.00? It's nowhere, that's where. Jim Leyland yelled at no one last night.

Angels 4, Blue Jays 3 — Vlad hits a couple of balls that pretty much only Vlad can get to and the both go out for all of the Halos' offense. He'd be great at cricket, too.

Rangers 10, Twins 1Sidney Ponson was on his way to being one of those guys who, when you looked up, was gone from the majors. Now, he's 3-0 with a 2.95 ERA, making Aruba proud again.

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Photo of the Day: This is me doing the Heisman pose, skip

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Umpire Jeff Nelson works on his club dance moves (is that the Funky Chicken?) as Rangers manager Ron Washington tries to argue a call Wednesday night.

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Fantasy Freaks

Jack Cust (Athletics) 2-4, 2 HR, 4 RBI

Dana Eveland (Athletics) 9 IP, 3 H, ER, BB, 5 K, Wi

Darrell Rasner (Yanks) 7 IP, 5 H, BB, 6 K, Win

Ben Sheets (Brewers) 9 IP, 11 H, ER, 6 K, Win

Vlad (Angels) 2-4, 2 HR, 4 RB

Ryan Howard (Phillies) 3-5, 2 HR, 4 RB

Sidney Ponson (Rangers) 9 IP, 6 H, ER, BB, 5 K, Win

Jermaine Dye (WSox) 2-2, 2 HR, 4 RBI

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Fantasy Flakes

Jarrod Washburn (Mariners) 2 1/3, 12 H, 9 ER, 2 K, Loss

Jesus Colome (Nationals) 1/3 IP, 5 H, 6 ER, BB, K (for those of you in 20-team leagues

Jeff Kent (Dodgers) 0-4, .234 BA

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