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Morning Juice: Manny issues annual 'Trade me, see if I care'

Big League Stew

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This and every weekday morning, let's rise and shine together with the hippest and the trippest in major league baseball doings. Today's Roll Call, a Monday marathon, starts inside the skull of Manny Ramirez, who did the big-league equivalent of yelling "fire!" in a crowded theater by suggesting in the middle of the Yankees series that the Red Sox probably should trade him.

Game of the Day: Red Sox 9, Yankees 2

Manny being goofy: Manny hadn't done anything outrageous in at least 48 hours, so his internal alarm sounded Sunday and he told ESPNdeportes.com that the Red Sox upper-management honchos don't appreciate him and should trade him. "I'm tired of them. They're tired of me," he also told AP. Here's another account, from the New York Times, on Manny — who also went 3-for-5 with a pair of doubles and RBIs to help the Sawkz avoid a sweep.

Tired of what?: I dunno ... Maybe deft defensive moves such as this? Roaming phone calls such as this? Dugout relations such as this? Ticket distribution issues such as this? Fan-friendly interactions in the middle of a double play such as this? Manny being Manny takes its toll on those folks not named Manny.

(Green)Monster.com: Manny probably isn't going to change his business address before the non-waiver trade deadline comes Thursday. That means there's still two full months for Manny to be — well, you know.

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Feelin' Rundown (Sunday's other action):

Mets 9, Cardinals 1 — Thanks a lot, Jane! A Mr. Richard Feder from Fort Lee, New Jersey writes in and says, "Dear Johan Santanadanna: That was a great game you pitched against the Cardinals yesterday; a six-hitter with two hits yourself. Can you believe it's only your second win since June 6? Is everything OK? What have you been doing all this time? Were you on line at the Statue of Liberty? Stuck in the subway tunnels? Were you going to the new ballpark instead? Did you have bad hay fever? Was Moises Alou peeing on your hands too much? Do you know any Black Magic women? Do the Mets have any 'Mookies' this season?"

Mr. Santanadanna responds: Mr. Feder, you ask a lot of questions for someone from New Jersey. But I know what you're saying because I, Johan Santanadanna, have struggled to win ballgames my first season in New York. Either I didn't pitch a shutout, or Billy Wagner blew a save in the ninth, or Carlos Delgado wasn't by his locker, or David Wright melted because he's made of wax, or Jose Reyes couldn't find where second base was, or Willie Randolph got fired in the middle of the night, or Fernando Tatis hadn't gotten here yet, or there were too many guys living in the disabled list apartment, we accidentally hit the "Robinson Cancel" button and had to start over. Jane, has a man ever peed on your hands?

Astros 11, Brewers 6 — Two homers for Geoff Blum, and if you have him active on your fantasy roster, you either play in a 30-team league or your name is Ed Wade. Here come the Cubs, Barew Carew!

Cubs 9, Marlins 6 — See Milwaukee? Here they are. Jeff S-a-m-a-r-d-z-i-j-a.

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Phillies 12, Braves 10 — Great stat from the AP guy: Since June 5, the Phillies are 8-1 against the Braves and 12-22 against everyone else. Brian McCann suffered a concussion because of a man-meets-man with Shane Victorino, but was OK after he and Victorino did some spooning.

Twins 4, Indians 2 — The Tribe gets young Carlos Santana in the Casey Blake deal, and we can only hope he makes it to the majors soon, for all of the Santana references that can be made here on the Juice. Repeatedly. Over and over. For-ever. Attention, Twinkies: Here come the White Sox.

Tigers 6, White Sox 4 — See Minnesota? Here they are. It's like the trains in Italy in 1936 around here. ... I have managed 2,630 fewer games than Jim Leyland, but his removal of Todd Jones as closer smacks (not "smokes") of panic. Jones' other stats were terrible, but he was 18-of-21 in save opportunities. Leyland really trusts Fernando Rodney to do the job, eh? Fred-Rod had the worst 1-2-3/strike-out-the-side inning in the history of baseball yesterday and needed 42 pitches to go 1 2/3 IP. The White Sox were swinging at balls over their heads. It was like a kid's birthday party with a pinata and a blindfold! I also don't think Rodney is up to updating Jones' blog. In other bad news for the Tigers pen, Joel Zumaya has triceps tendinitis, which is 50 percent worse than biceps tendinitis and 25 percent better than a sore quad.

D-backs 7, Giants 2 — Unit creeping along, now eight shy of 300 years old career victories. He threw this one pitch — well, nobody knows its speed, because it was so slow that it didn't register on the gun — to Fred Lewis, who freaked. Zito, like Unit a Cy Young Award winner in 2002, appears just as close to the end of his career.

Dodgers 2, Nationals 0 — Yay, Clayton Kershaw gets a victory. Everytime I hear the name "Clayton Kershaw," I want to start fiddling around with Alison Krauss. Fiddling with her music, I mean. Very bluegrassy sounding name, Clayton Kershaw.

Mariners 5, Blue Jays 1 — Oh, look at that; it was Alex Rios Somewhat Disappointing But Still Not Bad Kind of Puzzling Actually Season Giveaway Figurine Day at the Roget's Thesaurus SkyDome Centre. Here comes Longoria! (As Ralph Kramden would say: "Homina-homina-homina.")

Orioles 5, Angels 2 — First of all, let's double check that photo of Longoria. Yes, it's still there. OK, which game is this? Ervin Magic Santana clearly running third now in the Santana of the Year Power Rankings. But he did add this hilarious quote about his own performance (5 IP, 5 ER) Sunday: "To me, I say it's not a bad start. Every time when you give up five or less, everything is good." Did he think he was at an arbitration hearing? A quality start is now a 9.00 ERA, people. Get the word out.

Royals 6, Rays 1Billy Butler is hawt since the ASB. Or, has Bob Hamelin finally returned from the Land of Dairy Queen as a right-handed swingah? Discuss. Longoria! (Is that a dust ruffle she's wearing?).

Athletics 6, Rangers 5Brad Ziegler, good gravy. As Ozzie Guillen would say, "This kid is a good kid." The side-windin', bushwackin', hornswaglin' cracker croaker from Southwest Missouri State hasn't given up a run in his first 27 innings in the bigs, breaking a 101-year-old record. The 28-year-old rook is going to send some stuff in Cooperstown. Is this a great country or what? Someone gimme an "amen!"

Rockies 11, Reds 0 — A sweep means nine of 10 since the All-Star break for the Rox, who still are an abysmal, abominable and a bad 17-36 on the road — a big-league worst. A 1.74 ERA for Baldy Jim in July.

Padres 3, Pirates 1 — Baseball is the greatest sport in the world, but a four-game series between the Pirates and Padres is just too long. Anyone with me? Anyone still there? Mom?

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Photo of the Day: A couple of Richards

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In an ironic if unnecessary twist, ancient Dick Williams checks for a pulse on the neck of fellow Hall of Famer Goose Gossage.

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Fantasy Freaks

Santana (Mets) 9 IP, 6 H, ER, BB, 5 K, Win

Jimenez (Rockies) 6 IP, 5 H, BB, 2 K, Win

Jake Peavy (Ready for 2009) 7 IP, 4 H, ER, 3 BB, 10 K, Win

Victorino (Phillies) 2-4, 2 R, HR, 4 RBI, SB

Blum ('05 White Sox) 2-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI

Brad Ausmus (Really?) 4-4, 2 R, 2 RBI

Billy "Baroo" Butler (Hamelin) 2-3, HR, 4 RBI

Mike Jacobs (Marlins) 3-5, 3 R, 2 HR, 5 RBI

Samardzija (Irish) 2 IP, 3 K, Save

Unit (Big) 7 IP, 9 H, 2 K, Win

Kershaw (Dodgers) 6 IP, 4 H, BB, 5 K, Win

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Fantasy Flakes

Kyle Lohse (Cardinals) 5 IP, 11 H, 7 ER, BB, 2 K, 3 HR, Loss

Josh Fogg (What are you DOING with Josh Fogg on your team?) 3 2/3 IP, 8 H, 7 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, Loss

Ervin Santana (You're a goof, too) 5 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, Loss

Jeff Suppan (CC pitches tonight) 6 IP, 11 H, 8 ER, BB, 3 K, Loss

Sidney Ponson (Yanks) 4 IP, 10 H, 7 ER, BB, K, Loss

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Words of Mouth:

"Manny says a lot of things. Some of them are entertaining. Some of them make you roll your eyes and spin your head. But it seems like every time after he says something he goes 3-for-4 so maybe we should encourage him to say something like that." — Mike Lowell
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