This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine together with the most recent and decent major league happenings. Today's combined AL/NL roll call starts along the banks of Lake Erie, where the proletariat has passed the patience threshold with closer Joe Borowski and are kindly calling for general manager Mark Shapiro to consider making a change. But before we throw out the baby with the Cuyahoga River water, perhaps it would be wise to explore ten things worse for Cleveland than a guy with two blown saves two weeks into the season.
Game of the Day
Groovin': With a nod to the great batting practice pitchers of yesteryear, Borowski served up a center-cut, off-speed, lifeless, change-up to Manny Ramirez, who — being Manny — hit the ball to Bob Feller's house for a ninth-inning lead. The fine commenting folks at Cleveland.com were about ready to place Borowski at the scene of the Lindbergh kidnapping.
The List: From the home office in Knockemstiff, Ohio here are 10 worse things than Joe Borowski to happen to Cleveland:
10. Blame the media — The town's name is misspelled forever when the Cleaveland Advertiser can't fit "Cleaveland Advertiser" all the way across the top of the page, so it drops the first "a" in Cleaveland. Seriously.
9. Earnest Byner, no! — In a football play simply known as "The Fumble," Byner coughs up the ball at the 3-yard line with 72 seconds left in the 1988 AFC Championship game, costing the Browns a Super Bowl berth.
8. "Burn On" by Randy Newman — "There's a red moon rising, on the Cuyahoga River, rolling into Cleveland to the lake." Lyrics immortalizing the river catching fire in 1969 which you also heard on the soundtrack to "Major League."
7. Don King — Many think the Cleveland native's greed as a promoter helped ruin boxing. Wait, is that all?
6. Sam Wyche goes off — Cincinnati fans throw trash on the field at Riverfront Stadium, so the Bengals coach reminds them of something.
5. Red men — The Indians wear these uniforms!
4. Michael Jordan's shot on Craig Ehlo — The Bulls and Cavaliers both tried to be the NBA's next big thing, but Jordan willed his team to the front of the line with a game-winning, series-ending shot on May 7, 1989 that changed the fortunes of both franchises. The Bulls would win six titles; the Cavs would fall into disrepair until LeBron James arrived nearly 15 years later.
3. All that for nothin' — The Tribe wins 111 games and is swept in the '54 World Series.
2. Brother, can you spare a trillion dimes? — It's 1978. Cleveland has no money to pay for anything.
1. Never more — The old, bad Browns move to Baltimore and become the new, good Ravens.
Rundown feelin' (Monday's other games)
Pirates 6, Dodgers 4 — Nate McLouth, meet closer Takashi Saito. Takashi Saito, meet go-ahead, three-run homer with two outs in the ninth. Three-run homer, meet Nate McLouth's hitting streak. Hitting streak, meet 13 games in row. Thirteen games, meet Pirates, who are 7-6. Pirates who are 7-6, meet an imbalance in the Force.
Tigers 11, Twins 9 — Well, look who has a pulse and improved to 3-10. Gary Sheffield touched home plate for the first time this season. No word if he kissed it like a freed hostage would do to an American tarmac.
Athletics 2, White Sox 1 — The A's seem to add up to more than the sum of their parts, which really must tick off Billy Beane and his "Screw the Intangibles '08" motto.
Photo of the Day: 'Fine Mr. Letterman — I'll be Timo Perez and you can be me. Jeez.'
Stupid human trick: Mets infielder David Wright, recently freed from a wax tomb, reacts after he accidentally breaks a window (not really) of the nearby Hello Deli during Monday night's taping of CBS-TV's "Late Night with David Letterman." (Clips from Wright's appearance can be found here and here.)
Carlos Guillen (Tigers) 3-4 , R, 3 RBI
Ivan Rodriguez (Tigers) 2-4, 2 R, HR, 3 RBI
Kevin Youkilis (Red Sox) 3-4, HR, 2 RBI
Kevin Millar (Orioles) 2-4, HR, 3 RBI
Alex Rodriguez (Yankees) 4-5, HR
Carl Crawford (Rays) 2-4, HR, 3 RBI
Mike Napoli (Angels) 2-3, HR
Kurt Suzuki (Athletics) 4-4, RBI
Greg Smith (Athletics) 7 IP, 6 H, ER, BB, 4 K, Win
Randy Johnson (D-backs) 5 IP, 3 H, 0 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, ND
Andy Sonnanstine (Rays) 3 1/3 IP, 9 H, 7 ER, BB, 3 K, 3 HR
Mark Reynolds (D-backs) 0-3, BB
Travis Buck (Athletics) 0-5, 3 K
Johnny Cueto (Reds) DNP