Game of the Day: Brewers 3, Cardinals 0
Everybody polka now: Being a Brewers fan hasn't been this much fun since Harvey's Wallbangers in '82. Cheddarheads watching CC Sabathia own the Cards must have felt all night like their team was a surefire bet to win the NL Central. Sabathia was filthy — just a naughty, naughty, boy — in going nine. Three singles. Seven KKKKKKKs, including one of Pujols-Pujols — who just threw his bat at it like the blouse-wearing poodle walker he is. Just kiddin', Albert. Ya' Sally!
Dig Doug: Brewers GM Doug Melvin could have made the best trade in Wisconsin history since the Packers added Brett Favre — or maybe since "Happy Days" made a deal with "Blansky's Beauties" for Chachi. Sabathia is 4-0 with a 1.36 ERA — and three straight complete games — in the NL, which don't know what hit it.
Initial this: James Jerry Hardy. You know him as "J.J." He went deep. He slugged .606 in June and is slugging .757 in July. That's an airplane, people. An airplane! So, why can't he drop his periods, too, like CC? Ryan Braun also hit a home run and had four hits, but he ain't got no dots, so who gives a big whoop?
Roadies: The Crue is a victory from a four-game sweep and an 8-0 road trip. Get naked, Uecker!
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Feelin' Rundown (Wednesday's other action):
[Profane] Rockies 5, Dodgers 3 — [Profane] Colorado could deal closer Brian Fuentes, but it's also six [profane] games out of first place in the [profane] NL West. The Rox went to the [profane] World Series last year after a furious final six weeks and all — but, seriously? These [profane] guys? This [profane] team? It's [profane].
White Sox 10, Rangers 8 — The formula for the White Sox is simple. Fall behind after making four errors, get Ozzie tossed from the game and have Carlos Quentin hit a pair of home runs, including the go-ahead. It's happened two or three times, and that's how you draw up an AL Central crown. Alexei Ramirez keeps making these insane plays. What's going on in Cuba?
Yankees 5, Twins 1 — Mike Mussina has to be the least-mooselike "Moose" in the history of the nickname "Moose." I'll bet he's never knocked over anything in a Crate and Burrell. The Twinkies will try their luck across the street next year: They're 3-19 in the Bronx since the start of 2002.Tigers 7, Royals 1 — "We've seen enough of the Tigers." — Royals manager Trey Hillman.
Rays 4, Athletics 3 — The Rays are like Chuck Norris Facts. Their shortstop hits a home run, drives in two, and is sent to the minors. Not good enough, Zobrist. Hit two homers next time and we'll think about keeping you. "Zobrist." Good arch villain name for Chuck to roundhouse. Also, the Rays can unscramble an egg.
Mets 6, Phillies 3 — Ten-hut, Billy Wagner on deck! Ned Yost once said to me, he said, "Dave, I've been in this game 70 years. Ain't no such thing as momentum. Now get out of my office." He didn't say most of that, but he really doesn't believe in good ol' mo'. Neither do I. Neither should the Phillies, even after what happened Tuesday night. It's just not real. There's no Santa, either!
Braves 9, Marlins 4 — This would have been a great year for the Braves to still be in the old NL West. But they're not, and now Chipper's limping around like Swayze in "North and South" and Hudson's got a tender elbow. And Mark Teixeira's clock is ticking. Teix, Tock, Teix, Tock...
Angels 14, Indians 11 — John Lackey's ERA, once visible only with an electron microscope, is getting fat like old Elvis. But when Casey Kotchman goes 5-for-5, Howie Kendrick strokes three doubles and Jeff Mathis drives in six runs, your ERA can afford to swallow a lot of peanut butter 'n' 'nana sammitches.
Blue Jays 2, Orioles 1 (Susp. 6th) — Mr. Burnett, Mr. Guthrie. Come down to my office, please.
Reds 9, Padres 5 — Grand slam, Adam Dunn. Real Adam Dunn: .241/.387/.549. Fake Adam Dunn Who Crank Called J.P. Ricciardi: .233/.392/.560. Maddux is 0-5, 4.54 in his past 14 starts. Bronson, somehow, is 9-7 with a 5.60. This game can make your puzzler hurt.
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Photo of the Day: What a Fool Believes
Scott McGregor Michael McDonald (left) and Rick Dempsey Pat Simmons of the '83 World Series champion Orioles Doobie Brothers acknowledge the crowd at Camden Yards before breaking into "Black Water."
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Dunn (Reds) 2-4, HR, 5 RBI
Mussina (Yankees) 8 IP, 6 H, 7 K, Win
Quentin (White Sox) 2-4, 3 R, 2 HR, 4 RBI
Armando Galarraga (Tigers) 7 IP, 3 H, ER, BB, 7 K, Win
Ryan Garko (Indians) 3-5, 2 R, HR, 4 RBI
Kotchman (Angels) 5-5, R, RBI
Kendrick (Angels) 4-5, 3 R, 3 RBI
Mathis (Angels) 4-5, 2 R, HR, 6 RBI
Gregor Blanco (Braves) 4-5, 3 R, 3 RBI
Tim Hudson (Braves) 6 IP, 3 H, BB, 6 K, Win
Indians Crue) 9 IP, 3 H, 2 BB, 7 K, Win
Ryan Braun (Brewers) 4-5, HR
Reed Johnson (Cubs) 3-4, 2 R, HR, 4 RBI
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Aaron Laffey (Indians) 4 IP, 12 H, 8 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, Loss
Chone Figgins (Angels) 0-6
Pujols (Cards) 0-4, K
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Words of Mouth
"I appreciate the fact that I'm still playing." — Maddux