This and every Monday morning, let's rise and shine together to review the weekend's top stories around the baseball-o-sphere. Countdown starts a-tickin' down in sunny Miami, home of the Marlins, who just got owned this week by the great state of Pennsylvania.
FALLING: Fish fried
Marlins go 0-6 against Pirates, Phillies
After suffering a three-game sweep at Pittsburgh, the Marlins swam home and seemed on the verge of halting their losing streak on Friday night. But while protecting a three-run lead like Barney Fife would Otis the Drunk, closer Matt Lindstrom had an outing so enormously bad it could be seen from space. He let in seven runs — thanks to three walks and four hits, including Shane Victorino's two-out, go-ahead grand slam. It took Lindstrom 38 pitches to paint his masterpiece of horror, and it will take a much loooooooooonger time for his ERA (10.80) to dig its way out.
The Phillies kept winning all weekend, tying the score in the ninth and winning in the 10th on Saturday and then routing the Fish on Sunday. Jamie Moyer takes to Florida like the typical old person does; he's 7-0 at Dolphin Stadium. Meanwhile, Fredi Gonzalez's team might be 0-6 against Pennsylvania, but they're 11-1 against the other 49 states.
"We're not an 11-1 team, and we're not an 0-6 team — we're somewhere in the middle," Gonzalez said.
And they're still at the top of the NL East.
AhPu does it in grand fashion with a grand slam against the Cubs on Saturday. The dastardly Cubs then walked him three times on Sunday, meaning he's stuck on 1,002 RBIs and still tied with George Bell for No. 257 all-time. Not to worry, though, Albert will probably pass him sometime this season.
Webb shut down for at least another month
Brandon Webb’s shoulder still hurts but only when he throws. Stephen Drew’s hammy hurts, but only when he runs. This sentences the D-backs to being no better than mediocre until further notice. Next case!
Unfrozen caveman closer
Trevor Hoffman activated from DL
They didn’t need him Sunday, and might not all season at this rate, but the Brewers have taken Trevor Hoffman out of his box for the first time this season.
Give an Inge, take a mile
Inge reaches base in 18 straight games
Every time the Tigers schedule a game, Brandon Inge has managed to find his way on base. His season-opening streak is the club's longest since Inge reached base 25 times to start 2005. This season, he is batting .323 with seven homers and an OPS over 1.000. Is he the greatest Tiger of all time, or just the greatest living one? This is his ninth season in the majors, if you can believe it (I cannot).
Hollywood needs pitchers!
Angels trolling independent league for arms
The Atlantic League just started its season, and other teams have lucked out there before — Jose Lima and Brendan Donnelly are examples. With so many of their own pitchers rehabbing injuries, the Angels might go independent before they sign someone such as Pedro or Paul Byrd, neither of whom had a full spring training and might take longer to be game-ready.
Jays can't stop beating 'em
Toronto takes its sixth straight series
Roy Halladay, M.D., pitches Jose Contreras, B.C.E, to a statistical draw, but Doc and Jays pick up the victory in the rubber match. The Jays also took Game 1 of the series 14-0, to celebrate the NFL draft. In case you wondered when the CFL draft was...
Lincecum strikes out 12 in first victory of season
No longer pitching like a transient, Timmah! has 25 K's and one walk in 16 innings in his past two starts — both against the D-backs.
Greinke's scoreless streak ends
The Zack Attack went 38 straight innings — 21 short of Orel's record — without letting in a run before the Tigers scored an unearned run Friday. Another 10-strikeout game for the AL Cy-in-waiting, who still hasn't allowed an earned run since Sept. 30.
RISING: Red Sox rolling
Boston's winning streak hits 10
The Red Sox didn't obliterate the Yankees — winning 5-4 in 11, 16-11 and 4-1 — but it just seems like they're in two different leagues right now. Sunday's highlight: Jacoby Ellsbury steals home with that high-kickin', slow-deliverin' Andy Pettitte on the mound.