Not that long ago in a spring training baseball stadium far, far away from Wisconsin, slugger Ryan Braun expressed vindication after his appeal of a 50-game drug suspension was upheld. The Milwaukee Brewers probably felt like the Ewoks after Lando blew up Death Star II in "Return of the Jedi" — they were so happy not to lose their best player for nearly one-third of the season. "Ayyyyyeeeeee-gah!" went Kameron Loe (and LaTroy Hawkins from far away).
Behold, the genius:
Impressive. Most impressive.
Not only does MLB have an Imperial way about it in general, but arbitrator Shyam Das has a great name for the Jedi knight — as if George Lucas himself suggested it to Das' parents, Boot and Raycess Das.
Other elements of MLB's statement also (here's the original) lend themselves to Lucas exposition:
• "The Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program." The only thing it's missing is touches such as an all-caps "DEATH STAR."
"THE JOINT DRUG PREVENTION AND TREATMENT PROGRAM."
And then words such as "Clubs" are oddly capitalized, like "Galactic Empire" in the Star Wars scroll.
• The narrative tone is very desperate in both. In the movie, "It is a period of civil war" and Princess Leia is racing home aboard her starship, "custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy..."
In MLB's world, the obligations of the drug testing program are "essential to the integrity of our game," and it "vehemently disagrees with the decision rendered today by arbitrator Shyam Diaz."
What will happen now? Tune in for the next episode!