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David Brown

Mariners' Branyan says he hurt toe knocking over coffee table

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As someone who remembers the cover stories used at one time by Clint Barmes(notes) and Jeff Kent(notes) for their respective injuries, I think we should take the case of Seattle Mariners slugger Russell Branyan(notes) with a dash of salt.

Word from the West Coast is that Branyan has been sidelined with a cut and bruised left big toe because a coffee table fell on it. Mariners manager Don Wakamatsu said the injury happened in Branyan's hotel room.

Is that so? Do tell.

From the Seattle Times:

"He went to close the curtains this morning at 5,'' Wakamatsu said. "He knocked over the table and it landed on his foot.''

Of course it did.

Branyan missed Thursday's game — won by the Angels in Anaheim — and is expected to miss Friday's game too.

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First reaction: A toe? What an amateur!

Second reaction: Considering that Branyan's skill set has never included deft footwork, this probably adds up. But don't forget about Barmes, who said he told a lie to avoid getting teammate Todd Helton(notes) into trouble.

In 2005 after he fell down stairs and broke his collarbone lugging gifted deer meat (my favorite injury ever) Barmes at first said he was only carrying "groceries." He did it to keep Helton's name — and the fact they had been riding ATVs with Brad Hawpe(notes) — out of the story.

And Kent, oy. In 2002, he broke one of his wrists doing wheelies on a motorcycle — not washing his truck as he first reported.

I'm just saying, if this Branyan story takes an even stranger turn — like, Branyan went to take a nap in the clubhouse and a locker fell on his toe, for example — remember Clint Barmes' venison and Jeff Kent's cycle.

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